May 22nd, 2004


Scary day.

Ben and I were overwrought with tiredness and kept hurting each other unintentionally and taking everything deeply.
  • Current Mood
    nervous nervous

my friends are out of HS!

and I officially have no more close friends in high hell school! A very eventful, mostly happy day... but I tored so 'm off to bed. I post later.

I'na hap-py gir'!
  • Current Mood
    happy happy and loved

Gabe's graduation

Okay, so here's how it went:

Ben and I set the alarm for 7:30am, but didn't wake up when it went off, and slept through Rebecca's graduation. I felt kinda guilty -- I hesitate to believe that she meant it when she said it didn't matter much to her.

Ben got off work early so he could take me to Gabe's graduation --yay! My husband is wonderful. We were running ahead of schedule, so he stopped at Brewsters for matching mint choc chip ice cream cones... (aww how cute!)

Anyway, we got to the school -- and everybody was happy to see me! Ben and I sat with Spencer, who was filming the ceremony. At one point the headmaster was addressing the students, and he misquoted a Bible verse twice -- he said "walk humbly before your God," which means something entirely different than what the Bible actually says, "walk humbly WITH your God." The actual verse is implying partnership and friendship rather than a stern God just waiting for a chance to moosh you with his big thumb. Rrrrrrrrrrr... I made a "what the fuck" expression and threw my hand out in disgust, which Spencer thought was hilarious, and his laughing made Ben laugh. (Spencer asked afterward what it was that the man had messed up, and Paula thought it was funny too. I just have strong opinions about misquoting God, okay???) ;-)

Afterward they were taking pictures, and Gabe called me over so we could take a picture together -- and Spencer said something like 'yeah, let's get a picture of real family' but I didn't catch it exactly because of all the noise! I know I heard 'real family' but I'm not sure about the rest. He was saying it while waving me over for the picture though.

Ben and I drove Paula to pick up a prescription, which was fun 'cause I got to talk with her uncrowdedly. She really loved the books! Which makes me very happy 'cause I wanted so much to bless her. She read the series by Robin Hardy in three days -a book a day. (unfortunately that means she has no more romantic-adventure type books to read.) She wanted us to join them for dinner, so we did.

We went to Shogun, a Japanese hibachi restaurant, and a tired but still funny chef served us. I sat next to the other two ladies who had been Gabe's second mothers at different times. The lady right next to me, Jessie, had such a prickly spirit at first that I felt really uncomfortable. She did not think I had any right to be there (I think part of her feeling was because I'm white). But then Paula was talking to Jeannine (the first au pair) about the babygirl, and I leaned up to listen more closely. Noticing this, Paula raised her voice and maintained eye contact with me -- basically stopped talking to Jeannine and started talking to me. She did this totally subconsciously. After that, Jessie's attitude flip-flopped. I am a very slow eater, and Paula and Spencer were teasing me about it, and Jessie said, 'She's making room for everything; I like that.' Jessie loves food -- she's not obese, she just really enjoys eating. Just a little while after I was full and said so, Jessie said, 'You're not the only one who's full,' and leaned back like she was finished. But then she leaned up and propped her arm on the table, blocking me out, and started eating again. This made me feel so bad, 'cause I certainly wasn't judging her, and I wanted to tell her to eat without guilt or worry, but what do you say in a situation like that?

After dinner, we went outside and said goodbyes -- I told Paula to call me and she said 'oh, no, I'm no good on the phone, ask Carla.' Carla said, 'yeah, and even if you call her she's like, 'let me call you back.'' That tiny little bit of conversation was special to me because Carla's attitude was so accepting -- she treated me like another sister. ;-)

Paula loves to talk to me! And I saw that with my own eyes! That makes me so happy. And EVERYBODY was happy to see me -- Paula's sis Carla, her husband Al, Paula's mom June and even Paula's stepdad Cal! (He's a jolly grouch, which doesn't make sense unless you know him) I hugged June when I first saw her, and she hugged me when she left -- she was just genuinely delighted to see me! And Spencer talked to me whenever he got the chance -- about the same kind of stuff we used to talk about all the time, family stuff. When I talk to Spencer I feel like everything is a private joke -- something only he and I understand. I miss my family so much. They better invite Ben and I for 4th of July this year (if they're in town) or I'm inviting us!

I'm so happyhappyhappyhappyhappy!!!! I felt so accepted and loved all day!