August 6th, 2004


dream (end of the world)

First I was flying above a sea filled with carnivorous eels, one of whom was begging me to rescue him. When I finally gave in and swooped him up, the scene changed.

I was in a desolate place with Eve. It was hot and dark, and all the trees were burnt. There was moist silt that looked like it might be drinkable, but looking at it I remembered something about this in Revelations and quoted that we'd want to drink the silt but not be able to. Still, we tried to pick it up and it was like trying to pick up water with oil-slicked hands -- it just slid right off. Then I scooped some up and she lifted me to try to drink it from my hands, but it didn't work -- it slid off everywhere else but none into her mouth. I was afraid that she might consider killing me to drink my blood ('cause I'd have let her), but she didn't, and we got weaker and weaker. Finally we were laying on the ground holding each other and waiting to die, and I told her I wished she would love God -- and that she must be pretty awesome for God to give her more of a chance than any other human (we were the only ones alive at that point). Then I asked if she knew what Jesus had done for her -- she just looked at me, so I started telling her about the crucifixion, but I began waking up at this point so I don't know what she thought. She just listened.

The feeling of intimacy in the dream was so deep that I woke up missing her company.

letter from Michael B / Allison / am I boring?

I got an email (in response to the "I'm deleting this address so change your books" email, at the supposedly deleted address) from Michael today...

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I really jinxed myself with that birthday reminder thing. I've missed every birthday since I started getting the reminders. (even Spencer's!)

I miss Michael. We were so close in high school, and now we hardly ever communicate. I wish I had gotten to hang out with him some this summer... he's one of my favorite people, 'cause he is so incredibly himself; he doesn't try to fit with any particular group. I need to be better about keeping in touch with him.

With Allison, I'm a little hurt and a little offended, 'cause despite my tries, she hasn't managed to spend one afternoon with me all summer. I realize she has a busy schedule, but there's no change in her pocket for me? I'm sure it has somewhat to do with the fact that I've been fairly car-less... but still. One day of going out of her way would have meant so much to me. (I'm not forgetting how wonderful she has been in the past -- she was the only one who helped me pack before I got married and moved in with Ben) Why drop me?

Well, Kristen B. accused me of becoming boring since I got married -- maybe that's why. I don't think I got more boring, but I'm on the inside of me. *shrug* I'll be as wild as a waterstar one day -- both inside and out.

I'm nervous about counseling tonight...