August 12th, 2004

gentle

Paula / June

I feel more than a little useless lately... 'cause it only takes one person to make Paula's lunch, get her water, and stuff like that. And June is that person.

So I drive them if they need/want to go anywhere (Paula can't 'cause she's pregnant and June can't cause she doesn't know how)...

But... I want(ed?) to be friends with Paula... and I don't necessarily feel that pull anymore... so I'd like to say, "Oh well" but I can't. I'm giving her the 'casual friendship' she said she wanted, but maybe she doesn't know what she wants, 'cause I catch her being a little wistful every now and then, probably about the closeness we were getting and now dropped.

There's always the future, and it will be much easier to befriend Paula if I'm not wishing she was my mom. I don't wish that as much as I used to but I'm not totally free from the desire either.
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