May 5th, 2005


*poll* should I tell Patricia?

Yay! God so loves me -- I just got an email saying that Patricia's appointment Saturday cancelled, would I like to come in? Hell yeah!

I've been debating on whether or not to tell Patricia about my modeling and my journal, so I'm asking you guys for your thoughts. See, she's not at all Miss Prissy Fundamentalist -- she's been a bellydancer for 20 years, 15 professional; she's not one bit uncomfortable talking about sex; she uses 'vulgar' words without blushing or apologizing; and she just has a very open mind, from what I can tell. Still, she is around 50, and she might have hangups...

I feel that God is pleased with and proud of the openness of my modeling and journalling... but my belief in his joy in me is fragile, and if someone I very much respected as godly were to tell me that they think it's wrong/bad/whatever, it would give me doubt in God's support of me. (that is a temporary thing caused by my brokenness -- when I am healed, my faith won't be so weak)

I would feel more myself, because I'd be open and honest with her. Right now I feel a little dishonest.
If she approves, I will feel so much more confident of God's approval.
If I feel more confident of His approval, I will feel more free to be honest and open with everyone, even Ben's parents and fundamentalist types.

Tolerance is not enough. If she were to say it's okay, just borderline, then I'd doubt that God thinks it's beautiful, and that would be tragic to me.
If she disapproves, I'll lose a lot of confidence, for a while at least.
If she tried to talk me out of it, then I wouldn't trust her with anything that I consider possibly 'bad,' for a while at least, and that would make it difficult for me to learn from her.

Poll #489005 should I?

tell her? 0 is no, 1 is neutral/ambivalent, 2 is yes.

Mean: 1.72 Median: 2 Std. Dev 0.56