May 15th, 2005


dream (missing class, not finding my identity)

I dreamed that Ben and I were living on a campus and it was incredibly beautiful (in Florida or California) with tropical breezes -- the perfect temperature. There were huge fountains with thick blue water, just gorgeous. I went to our apartment in a hotel-like suite (with huge windows and sliding glass doors) and I was thinking how amazing it was that this was part of God's plan for us; everything was exactly how I wanted it, exactly what would please me the most.

Ben came home on his lunch break to take me to a class that Patricia (my counselor) was teaching and since we got there early we decided to give this girl a ride home. So we left to take her home, but we got distracted and ended up going to the grocery store. I couldn't decide whether or not to buy doughnuts, but Ben had already left the store with them so I had to pay for them. By that time it was too late to go to class, so we went home, and as we were walking up the stairs to our suite, phrankenstyne and kevloid2008 were in the hallway with a girl that looked kind of like Rachel Truitt and kind of like maladroitkat. phrankenstyne was complaining that he and kevloid2008 had started out with F's and then because I got them interested in the class (or something) they had brought their grades up. He said that maladroitkat (who was doing an art project with scraps of paper on a poster on the floor and not paying any attention to him) and I were those kind of people who had an A average and were so cocky we didn't bother to go to the last class. (the class was fairly large, about 40 people that I really cared about and knew very well because of what the class was about)

Then I realized it was the last class and I was very upset and started crying. Suddenly I was at home (my literal current home) laying on my bed crying and crying -- it just kept getting worse. It was so bad it felt like I was throwing up, I was actually heaving, and Ben and maladroitkat were there and maladroitkat mentioned that she'd never seen anybody hurt like that, and she asked why I was crying. I said that couldn't find my ID -- she asked what I meant by ID, and I told her it meant both Identity and Individual Destiny. I was crying so deeply that I woke myself up, and cried in real life. I was disappointed because I wanted to finish mourning -- even though I wasn't quite sure what it was I was mourning.

I definitely plan to talk about that dream with Patricia... and it is unusual that I would dream about three LJers that I've never met.