May 30th, 2005

pain

dream (Rachel in pain, Micah dead)

I dreamed about Rachel for a long time last night -- very odd. You haven't read me mention her before because I haven't really thought about her in years...

Collapse ) I hadn't thought about her more than a fleeting moment in at least two years when I dreamed about her last night.

I dreamed that I was at her house, and from looking at her I could feel her pain, it screamed out at me. Her brother had died, but that wasn't the only reason for her pain -- some of it was as old as she was. There were others there, and I kept trying to get Rachel to come away with me so that I could talk to her. I was thinking to myself, "What do I have to offer?" still considering her worth more than me, I suppose. I thought I could tell her what I've experienced, and maybe she'd feel safe enough to share... I was too tentative, though. I kept waking up, and deliberately going back into the dream to try to help her.

Finally I gave up on the dream, because it had gone on for two hours and I couldn't reach her. I got up, called Ben's family for the number, and called her house... and got the answering machine after about a million rings. I'm not even sure if she's living there anymore, but I plan to call again tomorrow.

I take my dreams very seriously, because often that'd how God speaks to me. I've had many true prophetic dreams. Until he gives me a sign one way or another, I'm going to try to reach to Rachel. I owe her an apology anyway, for judging her so harshly. And right now, I can still feel her pain in my heart.