September 20th, 2005


phone / work / God's been reaching out to me

DAMMIT! Because I paid my phone bill 6 days early, they turned it off. Fuck. I am seriously so pissed about that. Ben said he'd deal with it when he gets off of work, though. They better work it out or I'm gonna be borrowing a phone to call some people and throw fits! This is ridiculous.

They're working me way too much for my taste. My Tuesdays and Saturdays are already filled with counseling & support group & church & home group & (very soon) bellydancing, and then I work four 9-hr days -- so I only have ONE DAY to relax. Me no lika dat. But I'll suffer for a bit so that we can get ahead faster. Oh, and the other day, I came back from lunch and Polly was taking out my drawer, and she said, "Kristen?" "Yeah?" "Thank you for coming back." She said it so sincerely and with such relief. I am teh bestest!

God has been really reaching out to me lately. I am convinced that some of the ladies in my support group must have been praying extra hard for me last week, because I have felt a change in my spirit. I can't pin it down, but something is different. Maybe there's one less demon whispering in my ear. I find it a little easier to hope. And I was working yesterday and one of the women in my group saw me from a distance and God moved her to write me a little note of encouragement and give it to me. She included Romans 8:28-29 -- "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn, with many brothers and sisters." This is a verse I have told myself many times, and I believe it about everything else, but when it comes to sexual abuse... "all things"... I don't feel like he worked for my good. And it's something I have to find for myself, so please don't try to help me see it.