April 4th, 2006


dream (m-kat in my bedroom again, happy this time / pure sex)

I had another dream about m-kat in my bedroom, but the mood was completely opposite of last time. Last time I was in anguish; this time I was completely lighthearted. Ben and m-kat and I were running around the bedroom, jumping on the bed and giggling like hyperactive little kids. I was wearing just a little shirt, Ben was wearing just boxers, and m-kat was wearing a t-shirt and undies -- and we were all completely comfortable with each other. The room glowed with sunlight and I was so happy!


I also had a dream about sex with a guy that I knew was supposed to represent Ben, but I couldn't really make out any features except his shoulders (broad, like Ben's). It was very blurry and confused because my point of view was from my eyes, but I was feeling his emotions even more than my own. It was amazing... he was awed just to be touching me, he was completely wrapped up in the moment, enjoying touching me for it's own sake and not for what it would lead to. He respected, honored me, and it made me feel so safe and cherished and valued. I knew that if we stopped at any point for any reason, he would still be happy because he had no further goal than the moment.

And then I felt hair in my mouth and stopped, sat up to pull it out, and it was a whole clump, very disgusting, but I knew I had to get it out, and as soon as I did, it turned into a pile of clothes that I went to put away. VERY strange, unsatisfying ending.