June 15th, 2010


heavy worry

I am so stressed out right now. I'm not even sure why -- yes, money worries and nerves about my interview tomorrow are part of it, but why would that worry suddenly explode into obsessive thoughts and nausea/weakness from stress? Suddenly the things that I have to be concerned about have each expanded into massive looming worries, and I feel so lonely. I don't want to sleep alone. I don't know where this is coming from but it's so heavy I've no idea what to do with it.

If you can and are willing to, please send me some calm energy and love.

ETA: thank you so much, loves ♥ I finally was able to fall asleep with the calm/love you sent, and worked it out in dreams. I think I was picking up on other people's worry -- two people I know and one stranger that I saw last night and kept having the urge to go up and express concern to, but didn't (:-/). I feel much better now (back to mild stress, not overwhelming stress, heh).

dream (Christa can breathe water, lil sis asks me for a hair clip) / conversation with Christa

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Christa and I had a long conversation yesterday -- ze shared a lot with me and I felt really touched to be so trusted. I'd been worried before that ze felt unsafe because I'm becoming part of zir life through my bonds with zir family and that's creating change in zir life (not saying this is zir worry, but it's how I might feel if I were in zir shoes). But I think ze has to feel at least somewhat safe with me to have such an open conversation with me. I was also a little worried that ze just plain wouldn't like me as a person because we seemed to be so different, but after that conversation I feel like we have a lot more in common than I'd have guessed (and few people bother to share with someone they dislike). I'm happy to be getting to know zir more ♥