March 2019
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A scene from Shrill has me wishing I could watch people watching me


icon: "revolutionary (a gif series of four nude self-portraits of/by me: one from the back with me looking over my shoulder, one from the front with my arms up and arched, one with an upraised, arched arm and the other arm across my belly in a dance pose, and one from the side with both hands raised in a shrug gesture)"


Mild spoilers ahead for "Shrill" episode 3:

I keep thinking about this one scene where the main character is trying to cross a street at a crosswalk but is being too polite/timid and letting cars go first, and a tall fat person who is dressed literally head to toe in bright red (a fat person no-no), in a *jumpsuit* (another fat person no-no) and *heels* (a tall person no-no) walks past her and across the crosswalk with hardly a glance at the cars. The main character then follows the person in red down the road, into a flower shop, and down the road again.

I have had that impulse to follow someone based purely on how they commanded a space (but I resisted because I didn't want to creep them out), and I know that ah-ha moment that you can get from seeing someone-like-you doing something that you didn't think people-like-you could do. And the fascination and curiosity about how they got there.

I think that I have become that confident fat person who dresses head to toe in color and takes up space without apology. I wish I had the ability to notice when people are watching me because I want to see this happen.

And also if people make disgusted faces I want to round on them and out-face them. Because they'd probly dissolve like cotton candy in the rain and I would enjoy that just as much *wicked smile*

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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.