Belenen (belenen) wrote,

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letter from Danielle & postcard from Vee / curvygirls conflict

I had the bestest day! I got my Supreme Beings of Leisure CD in the mail, AND a beautiful postcard from bluebl00d AND a long letter from boobiequeen!!! Oh that so made my day. ;-) I have the best friends! I can't wait to get enough postcards to actually start my collage. And usually I'm an anticipation person, but I really loved being surprised by Danielle's mail. Thank you Danielle and Vee!

I haven't been very active in my journal the past couple of days because we've had some Drama going on in my community, curvygirls. One member posted a very open, honest expression of how she felt -- that all of the photos of the small curvy girls in the community made her feel uncomfortable. So everyone responded to that, both affirmatively and in disagreement.

Then I posted this, describing my intent for the community.
My intent was that this community be for sizes 7-12 (though I never wrote that down) -- but that intent changed. As people joined and posted their photos and stories, I began to realize that healthy curviness also comes in larger and smaller sizes. My perception of healthy curvy beauty shifted. Yes, I'll admit, seeing images of girls who were thinner than me at first made me very uncomfortable, and I wanted to gently shoo them out -- but I didn't, and instead tried to change my perception. I forced myself to see their healthy (though sometimes very subtle) curves, and as I did, I found myself growing more confident in my own curves. I now believe that it is impossible to truly accept yourself as beautiful until you can see beauty in those who are different from you. Then, and only then, can you love the fact that we are all different and you are unique. And it wasn't just the thinner ones that changed my views -- I began to be able to see those who were heavier than me as beautiful too, which was an amazing breakthrough. Since I had always condemned my own supposedly 'unneccessary' curves, I condemned others too -- and as I accepted others I was more able to accept myself.

This community is for all healthy curvy girls, and for those who wish to become healthy. This means that if you are unhealthily underweight or obese to the point where it seriously inhibits health and mobility, as long as you are (however slowly) heading in the direction of healthy curviness, you are wonderfully welcome here. We happily include those who are naturally smaller or larger.
I hope it was enough to convince those who were uncomfortable with the smaller girls to stay.

and then another member decided to post something that I never got to read, because she edited it to say, "nevermind, this isn't changing anything, just causing pointless debate." Judging by the comments from people who had read it, she was commenting ostensibly on 'health' but displayed some serious judgmentalism -- health is not measured by weight, as she ought to know from having read the medical/health articles posted in the community. I had already been irritated with her attitude (she never commented except to say something negative, and seemed very elitist -- go figure) so I was tempted to ban her -- fortunately, she made the decision for me and left. Good riddance, I say. We don't need that kind of behavior, and until she grows up some, she's only bringing negativity.

I really love this community. I've never seen any group of people who are so willing to compromise, to learn and understand and accept others as they are. They respond to negativity by pouring out postitivity; such an amazing beautiful thing. And they're all so gorgeous! Seriously, I wish I could post some photos here to show you. They're stunning.
Tags: body image, curvygirls, lj friends, postcard meme

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