April 2018
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dream (talk with Adrienne at Jeremy Camp concert) / thoughts on Adrienne

Last night I dreamt about Adrienne for the first time in a long, long time... I haven't even thought about her in so long. She's left the band, gotten married, had a baby and has another on the way right now... so much has changed... but O my God, she is working on an album, I am waiting with fearful anticipation. Please don't have changed your style, Adrienne. No one can sing-scream like you, no one can pour so much passion into words, so much LIFE into sound...

I dreamt that somehow I was at a Jeremy Camp concert (her husband) and I saw Adrienne just sitting off to the side by herself, so I went and sat next to her and asked how she had been doing. She smiled vaguely and said, "oh, fine," and I responded, "Well, if I may pry, really how have you been?" and she started just telling me all about her life. I listened, just because I felt like that was what she needed, and then when Jeremy had finished the concert and walked over I got up to leave. But he encouraged me to stay, asked me to come to dinner with them if I didn't have anything else planned. I think I agreed. All I can remember clearly is her face -- the raw openness in it, something I never saw when I met her the other times.

It was so odd because I wasn't intimidated by her, wasn't fascinated with her, wasn't even very excited -- I just responded to a need I saw.

Adrienne was the lead singer of my favorite band, The Benjamin Gate (now broken up). I used to write her letters and (since TBG never got huge -- just when they started to get big they broke up) talk with her at concerts... She's an amazing person. I wanted to be friends with her, but understood that that would probably never happen, so I just gave without expecting anything in return... I made her a jewelry set and sent it to her (she loved it, she said). I never really got closure on that, and I think a part of me still wants to reach out to her, but I no longer have her address, and I feel somewhat embarrassed for giving so much (afraid that she thinks I'm some obsessed fangirl, you know). Maybe I will go to a Jeremy Camp concert... and you can bet your ass, when she gets her solo album out I'm buying it and if she tours I am SO going to see her. I actually miss her. I wonder what she's like now...

And every time I think about the last show, I get frustrated, because when she asked me to wait around after the show, I think I misunderstood how long she meant me to wait (she was surprised when I said I was leaving), and I could have had a real conversation with her, not a hurried/nervous one in front of others... but ugh I was so emotional, with TBG being OVER and having gotten so little sleep and all... I think that is my one regret. Most things I can appreciate what I learned from my mistake -- that one I feel like I just stupidly missed an incredible opportunity.

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thesaj ══╣╠══
I actually went to school (Bible College) with Jeremy Camp. I saw him a couple of years ago at Cornerstone and got some great pictures:


Also saw The Benjamin Gate play, and thought he might be there. Sure enough he was standing behind the speaker watching Adrienne. Chatted with him for a while. It was cool that he remembered me and was still down to earth and not too aloft to talk to little ol' me. Anyways, after the TBG concert Adrienne was opening a bottle of water too take a drink and then re-capping it when she saw Jeremy behind the speaker. I watched as her face lit up...and then she fumbled the bottle of water as she was capping it and it felt to the stage. It was so cute...

- Saj

PS - I can't wait to hear what the two of them release together.
belenen ══╣musical╠══
awww. I'm glad she loves him so much... I always feel kinda sad 'cause she's not only the second wife, but so much hype is put on about his first wife dying and all that... I hate the idea that she might feel overshadowed.

I just can't wait to hear her voice again. I am praying desperately that she's still singing OUT LOUD and hasn't changed to a more sedate style...
thesaj ══╣╠══
I wondered about that....but then I saw her come on stage and join him in singing a song with him while sharing that testimony. And I realized that they love each other, and they do not have such qualms.

In fact, I think it likely akin to one who lost her sister and then fell in love and married her sister's husband. There is an understanding I think. Adrienne knows that it was her sister in Christ who died. She also knows she's in a similar but different place. Not in competition with her deceased sister. And can likewise mourn and testify on both her fallen sister's behalf and her brother/husband's behalf.

belenen ══╣analytical╠══
that's a good way of looking at it, I hadn't thought about it that way.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.