I'm not at full energy, obviously, which is why I haven't been posting/commenting for the past few days -- my creativity is the first thing to go when I'm on diminished energy... I miss my friends so much, and now Anika can't come down in March, and Hannah's August visit seems SO FAR AWAY... I feel like I am just existing from visit to visit, and only LIVING when I have a realfriend around. I used to have a daily-contact-is-essential kind of friendship and I want that again. BAH. If I seem obsessive on that lately, it's because I AM -- I can hardly think about anything else. Hannah's visit is all that I daydream about. And maybe I'm doing it to escape the financial stress we're under... the car has needed ALL of our extra money for the past... four or five months. I didn't even get to spend most of my birthday money because we simply couldn't spare it. (but I am keeping track of how much I have left for when we have some extra again!)
I feel like I'm running down a path, leaning so far forward that if I don't keep running I will fall on my face. I can't look ahead to focus on any goals because I'm too busy watching the path and hoping to get my feet underneath me, rather than trailing behind.
And I feel... unsacred. I feel like those things about me that I consider sacred are actually worthless or ludicrous, because no one holds them in reverence like I do. Ben tries, but it it really hard to reverence something that you don't understand. I want to share them here -- I've had a post in mind for days -- but I am afraid that either no one will respond, or the responses will be too casual.