Belenen (belenen) wrote,
Belenen
belenen

  • Mood:

Ben and I fighting / repressing current events

Ben and I had a major fight over something minor (which I now realize was triggering), and I way overreacted. And he got angry, and I got MORE upset because I can't STAND for men I'm close to to get angry, it frightens me and makes me act completely helpless, and then I hate them for making me feel like that and I hate myself for giving in. So we really didn't come to any conclusion, but he went to bed because he was exhausted... and I spent several hours iconing mindlessly.

ugh. I feel smushed.

I bet part of this is because I haven't been to church in weeks, so I've had nothing to refresh my spirit. We actually went to church last weekend but never got out of the car because we were fighting. I don't even remember what I was so furious about... and today I found myself immediately repressing the memory of what he did, so the first time he asked me I couldn't even remember what I was mad about, even though it just happened. My mind has a will of her own, and she has a habit of hiding stuff. She really needs to stop doing that to me.
Tags: b - ex-partner, pain, recovery / therapy / healing
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