April 2018
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weight gain through inactivity / loving my body as it is right now / glamour photos

I've been wanting to post this, but dreading the result. I feel sure that one or two of you will judge me -- but you know what? I'm strong enough to handle it. So I'm writing it anyway.

I've gone up about 3 sizes in the past year -- from a 10 to a 13 -- purely because of inactivity. I never overeat (except of course when I go to El Ranchero, which isn't that often) and I don't eat a lot of fats or sweets, but I haven't really been active for almost a year, so I've gained. I'm pretty sure that some of that is natural, since my body is taking on a more womanly form now. From the age of 12 to 21, I fluctuated maybe 10 pounds -- the only thing that changed was my proportions. So it was REALLY weird to me when I first started gaining weight, and I still feel weird, because I don't know where it will stop. But amazingly, the numbers don't matter to me anymore. And astonishingly, the way I look hardly matters to me. I can honestly look at myself and know that I am beautiful as I am, and I wouldn't be any more beautiful if I weighed more or less. Oddly enough, being able to recognize that beauty is not measured in pounds has given me a desire to be more active. I don't want to change my body through ANY method -- and I'd be perfectly happy if I started exercising regularly and did not drop an ounce or lose a centimeter. Instead, I actually want to be active to feel the strength, the flexibility, the power and force of my body. I want to feel free and graceful, and I know that to feel that way I have to gain more control over my muscles. But even if I don't get active, even if I gain more, even if I gain a LOT more, I will still be beautiful.

I attribute my newfound love for my body to curvygirls, which taught me to see all shapes as beautiful, and helped me realize that there is no such thing as a body 'flaw' because there is no ideal and we are all meant to look different; to Hannah, because I've been so inspired by her determined and joyous journey to loving her form; to my own determination to block out unhealthy images and focus on positivity and the natural form; and to photography, for showing me far more truly than the mirror that I carry beauty.

I honestly love my body and would not change it. I would not lose weight in order to change my shape, even if you paid me and I didn't have to put forth any effort. That's love, baby.

And several times in the past few months I have met up with someone who hadn't seen me for a long while who has exclaimed over how good I look (which was an unusual comment for each of them). I wonder if they said it because they noticed the weight gain and wanted to reassure me of my beauty (since I used to be very insecure about weight)... or if they noticed the new radiance of my spirit because of the healing/growth I've had in the past year and overlooked my weight, or if they noticed both and liked both, or if they simply thought I looked better with more weight. Hmmm.

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twisteddaydream ══╣Celestial╠══
Absolutely, amazingly gorgeous, Bel. Your confidence and your love of your body in those photos is just stunning. My favorite is Statuesque. I think it is just gorgeous and feminine and sexy.
celticwitch_0 ══╣dress╠══
Wonderful pics and you look amazing :)
pinkroo ══╣beauty╠══
the curve of your hip on "emerging" is breathtaking.
the fam .:. smurfb1ue
smurfb1ue ══╣the fam .:. smurfb1ue╠══
You are so inspiring. I wish I could feel even half as comfortable in my own skin as you do. Those pictures show how confident and beautiful you are.
maladroitkat ══╣╠══
A well stated post, Bel. You're truly an inspiration to so many girls out there.

Also, the pictures are gorgeous. The last one is my favorite, I think.
paradigm_shift ══╣╠══
My personal favorites are #2, 4, and 5. But all of them are just lovely. I love and admire how proud you are of your true self- that is so wonderful and such a positive (rare) message in the world we live in today. Kudos Bel!
[irl] laughing
notashamed ══╣[irl] laughing╠══
you look lovely, bel. i especially love talisman. I can't really describe what it is, but i just love the attitude of the picture.

either that or i'm a big fan of the ass, whichever you choose ;)
ani _vix3n-wiccan
invisibleglue ══╣ani _vix3n-wiccan╠══
Beautiful pictures Bel. I love your curves.
angeleyes831 ══╣╠══
awww, Bel, I love the body confidence, you just kinda exude it. Love it and I am happy you are feeling it. I think you look wonderful. *hugs*
juansrx ══╣*mtl2╠══
And That´s Art ladies an d Gentlemen.

You look great, you don´t need to loss weigth.
young at heart
aslan_fan ══╣young at heart╠══
I love Talisman! And Cynosure (right word?) and Emerging are beautiful too! Actually, they're all beautiful...I just kinda listed my favorites. :) YOU are beautiful! Wowwweee!
free2be ══╣╠══
You're just completely gorgeous...and you are so right, beauty is not based on how much someone weighs. It's based on the total package, and you have a great one.
kevloid2006 ══╣╠══
is that that new photographer?
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
you're beayoutiful. why fearing judgement??
anar_anar ══╣╠══
You know how I feel on the topic :)

For what it's worth... you look gorgeous.
paperwings21 ══╣╠══
You are incredibly beautiful, missy!
wind_in_myskirt ══╣╠══
you're so cute!!!
sidheblessed ══╣curves╠══
I love your positive attidude to your body. :)
armandii ══╣╠══
OMG Belenen these photos are wonderful, I love them. I'm trawling back through old posts of yours, there is something about you that makes me want to know more. The clincher was reading that your favourite weather is hot & rainy. One of my favourite things since being a child is being outside in a summer thunderstorm.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.