Belenen (belenen) wrote,

changed mindset -- ask and you will recieve / move to Glasgow? / love of learning

I feel so full of love and positivity. Life is good. I am noticing small changes in myself that I love. Earlier, it was 10:58 and we were driving to the video store when I realized we weren't going to make it on time, and rather than giving up as would have been previously natural for me, I decided to take a page from maladroitkat's book and ASK for what I want. (M-Kat is living embodiment of the phrase, "Ask and ye shall receive.") Unfortunately Ben accidentally dropped the phone under his seat so I wasn't able to make the call, but I was actually going to ask them to stay open 5 minutes later. After all, it is no inconvenience to them for me to ASK, and they get to make the decision on whether they are willing to accept the inconvenience of actually doing it. I was so proud of myself for even making that mental step. Often I forget that rules are run by people, who may be generous if given the opportunity (though they are often pissy if the gift is taken rather than asked for).

I really really really want to move to Glasgow. Not because I don't love it here because I DO, Georgia is in my blood, but because Kate and my soulfriend Hannah go to Glasgow Uni (or will soon, anyway) and it has a good philosophy program and I thirst for a REAL college. I could easily go to a university here for free or near to it, but I don't want to go to college for a diploma, I want to go to LEARN. I think this is an alien concept nowadays. And the University of Pittsburgh gave me a taste of what it is like to be awed by the knowledge of your professor, to listen to them and feel your mind expanding (and it was also very flattering to learn that I had been talked about between my two favorite professors, heh heh). It was so wonderful to have mind-stimulating conversations with people who know so much more than I. I took Latin American Literature instead of a foreign language, expecting to be bored, and discovered Julio Cortazar, the best writer I have ever sampled. I am still awed by the incredible depth and saturation of his metaphor. I really really enjoyed writing essays on his work -- how often does it happen that you ENJOY writing essays? But the book went completely over the head of the other students -- they preferred One Hundred Years of Solitude which was exactly how it sounds. After you are finished reading it, you feel as if no relationship is ever real and everyone lives in an impenetrable bubble and you might as well kill yourself because you're slowly dying anyway and nobody's gonna care and you cannot make any mark on the world. But the other students liked it BETTER than Hopscotch because it was more literal (even the magical realism of OHYoS was far too simple to be of any special note to a fantasy reader). Bah.

I really love learning. I hated math because of the constant review -- while I see that it was necessary, I infinitely prefer to learn something new every day. I get envious when I hear others talk about things they heard in a philosophy/sociology/psychology/culture/literature class, because I want to learn that stuff and roll it through my mind and decide what parts I agree with or disagree with or am confused/curious about. I want to understand more about people. I want to take a class on every major (population-wise) culture of today. I want to develop new ways of expressing myself through words. I want to be inspired to write poetry again. I want to take art classes! I am so curious.

And I have decided that I want to at least try following this dream. I want to talk to Ben, see what he feels about possibly moving to another country, pray about it, apply to the college (eek!), look into scholarships, and see if it is feasable. Who knows? I won't unless I do something. Knock and the door will be opened, right?
Tags: learning, moving, new mindsets

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