April 2018
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achy


I'm feeling gross. My throat hurts, my nose won't stop running... I almost never get sick, and when I do it's ALWAYS because of a hurt on the inside that has leaked through to my body. I haven't really put any thought into sorting out why; I'm kinda afraid of the answer. All Saturday I was exhausted emotionally... not numb, but actually worn out.

And now I feel like this... after a day where I poured out so much positivity. I just... need. something. someone. It's so selfish, but I am really looking forward to Ben's vacation time in a week, because then he won't be so tired and maybe when I feel like this he can hold me and love me and help me.

and huge belief shifts... confusing, wavering, torn. That's probably 80% of the reason I feel like this... because I can't make up my mind, or more accurately, my mind can't tell what my spirit believes or what my soul says.

connecting:

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Comments
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
*hugs*
kevloid2006 ══╣╠══
hope you feel better quick. *hug*
juansrx ══╣╠══
Remember to take lots of vitamin C!!

It will strength your defences, also, take out of your lungs everything you can while you can.

My grandmother gave me hot milk with some mints solved on them, for the throat(I know it´s a weird medicine, but it tastes delicious!!)
jodie foster / always in my head
acid_burns ══╣jodie foster / always in my head╠══
My grandmother gave me hot milk with some mints solved on them, for the throat(I know it´s a weird medicine, but it tastes delicious!!)

After reading this, I almost want to be ill.

:)
nightchic ══╣╠══
Its not selfish to want to be held and comforted. I hope you feel better hun and I hope he does take the time to hold you more
sketchy
hottergirl01 ══╣sketchy╠══
awww
I hope you feel your best sooner than later. I'm glad you're going on a vacation soon. Then you'll get the real R&R you deserve!

About the belief thing...just continue to pray about it. This issue is one of life's hurdles and you may be to fatigued to jump it...ya might have to climb over it! Just keep asking God for guidance and wisdom in all you do.
comfort
shioneh ══╣comfort╠══
I love you Bel. I'm really very sorry that you feel this way. It is not selfish to know you need some help. You need loving and I hope that you manage to get the nourishment you need this week. I will be there for you as much as I can. Please reach out, as you always tell me to. Tonight I am babysitting so i can't be there, I'm really sorry.. But you are on my mind all the time and please please PLEASE email me if you think it will help you.

I love you. ♥..
centered
shioneh ══╣centered╠══
Also, I am focusing all the energy I have to give on trying to make your illness go away. It's so typical for your body to hurt when your spirit is ill. I am sorry. I'm praying for you. Look after yourself, please, love..
heart  belly
shioneh ══╣heart belly╠══
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an army of love-monsters to cuddle you silly.
augustupasleeve ══╣╠══
LOL I saw that right after I posted my commented, and for some reason my screen didn't show my comment below. It just showed it fixated on this comment, as though I'd written it. And I was like: "...I didn't... say that...".
snow angel
augustupasleeve ══╣snow angel╠══
Vell, Miss Belenen. I must say that I think it is in no way selfish that you wish for what you are wishing for. Or longing for it, whatever, waiting for it, you know.

Friendships in general but especially those where we're tied by the soul in a sense (like with the soul-friendship you've got with Ben) mean that the people grow together in many ways. Honesty and openness, especially during a rough time, is how I believe a soul-friendship aspires even higher. Just like in Hannah's journal, she mentioned that if she turned her back on herself, she'd be turning her back on the soul-friendship in a way; it requires both people to be doing all they can to feed their healthy and spirited core... which is connected to the other person's core.

THEREFORE! lmao. Yes, there is a point to this. It isn't only you who is being nourished and freed in a sense, when your husband is more able to be there to hold you. It is your relationship. I remember when I was relapsing in my eating disorder and I didn't want to burden my mom by telling her, and I was told that relationships are based on honesty and trust, so it wasn't saving the relationship to close off. It was hurting it. I know your situation is a bit different sinec it isn't ED related and you aren't purposely trying to close off, it's just that the circumstances are difficult right now; but it was in response to the fact that you think it is selfish. CAUSE IT ISN'T :) yeah, that was the point.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.