May 2018
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deep friendship with Alariya

I used to have no defense when faced with someone saying negatives about me, but now it's so easy. I am loved, loved for who I am. There are people who know me, truly know me and don't have misconceptions -- and they would scoff at those negatives, shake their heads at the delusions of the speaker. Because of their belief in me, I have the strength to try and believe in myself. One day I will be able to wholeheartedly trust my own beliefs: until that day, I gratefully draw on the powerful trust of my glorious friends.

My friendship with alariya has deepened and grown phenomenally in the past two months. I think it started growing because I became soulfriends with Hannah, and that filled a place in my heart that has been achingly empty since I was born, and I simply had more love to give. Also, I realized just how amazing Ashley has been for the past year, and how incredibly much she has matured, and most importantly, I realized that my Analariya is willing to grow and change, for her own sake first and also for the sake of friendship. That is a rare quality, and one that I have learned is essential to deep friendship. I had always thought of our differences, how completely opposite in personality we are and how clashing some of our mindsets are, but I have now realized that commonality is not the primary ingredient for deep friendship. For goodness sake, Ben and I have NOTHING in common (personality and interests-wise), yet we have the most intense, glowing soulfriendship and marriage. The only similarity that I see as necessary for a deep friendship is in the manner of living; Ashley and I both believe that we are here to develop spiritually, and we both believe that the only way to true growth is by increasing in honesty, openness, and love. All surface differences fade away next to that, and we see each other as sisters, walking through the intricate jungle of life, seeing things from similar vantage points and yet interpreting completely differently, and learning from each other's perspective. We're not walking the same path, but our paths cross often enough that we feel connected.

We've been meeting Tuesday nights; it's become a little ritual for us. We sometimes go out, but usually she comes over in the evening, and we get naked and sit together, eating carrots (and occasionally fruit) and talking about our lives. There is something very free and honest about being unclothed together. There are no pretenses, no hiding. It's not mere symbolism; there is something spiritual about it. I think eating together is powerful too, in a lesser way, because it's an outward expression of the nourishment that we give each other.

Our meetings do more than affirm and build our friendship -- they are an expression of our femininity. We learn from each other what it means to really be a woman, not just a female. We cuddle, we laugh and cry and are completely expressive, we create new ideas by blending our individual ones. This sisterhood is not girly or transitory, to be shrugged off in favor of adult things -- it is permanent, and we both feel that it is just the beginning of a lifelong mission.

sounds: Kosheen: "I Want It All"
connecting: ,

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ex_alariya46 ══╣╠══
I wanted to think up something dashingly eloquent in response to this, but I think for now, a heartfelt "I LOVE YOU!!!!!" will suffice.

Though really, even as I type that, I have to write more now. *giggles at self*

Since becoming deep friends with you, I have learned a few things.
1. Deep conversations and operating at a deeper level are a blessing beyond comparison. When we first started this, I was operating on a more shallow level, thinking how nice it would be to be deeper but not really meaning it enough to do anything about it. I am more me now than I ever was before, and you are a great influence in this having come about.
2. Unconditional acceptance. Though I don't think you're perfect, and you don't think I'm perfect, you love me just the same. You hurt when I hurt, you comfort me when I need to be comforted. I hope that I offer the same to you, but conversations with you were the very first I ever had where someone validated my feelings and thoughts and helped me to believe in myself even while you yourself were hurting in other areas.
3. I am never going to be entirely satisfied with any girl friendships until they can go as deep as we have gotten, until I can have that sort of intimacy with my other girl friends. You have taught me the value of depth and intimacy, and while I will always be friends with other people, nothing at this point in my life compares to this friendship. I value it so much. I hope you know.

I love you!!!!!! *kiss*
bel hearts alariya
belenen ══╣bel hearts alariya╠══
I am more me now than I ever was before

yes, you are, and you're more amazing than I would have imagined! ♥

and on 2, you are oh so right. validation is one of the most important parts of friendship.

on 3, YAY I am so happy for you!!!!

Thank you for sharing, darling. ♥
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
I'm glad you have someone like Alariya.
belenen ══╣loving╠══
me too, thank you Sidhe. ♥
paradigm_shift ══╣╠══
I am really happy that despite certain experiences earlier this year, you have managed to find a wonderful soulfriend and another deep friendship with someone who seems very genuine and lovely.
belenen ══╣loving╠══
me too! ;-) thank you so much for being happy for me, it really means a lot. I am glad to have you as my friend! ♥
baka_shampoo ══╣╠══
Nothing goes Wrong with your friends around ^_-
belenen ══╣analytical╠══
heh, well, stuff goes wrong but it doesn't bother you so much when you have the friends to support you. ;-)
juansrx ══╣*ugl1╠══
It´s good to see that you´re happy.
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.