Belenen (belenen) wrote,

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Freedom -- the vision leading my spirit out of captivity and numbness

At counseling today I became free. I have had a captive spirit for some years, since I decided to lock it up when it kept getting hurt. Having learned about captive and slumbering spirits, I am amazed at how many people must be captive or slumbering or both. This world has become so anti-family and devoid of true love that almost everyone flees into sleep or chains. The worst is when your spirit is awake, but captive; you can see how things are supposed to be and you know there is more to life, but you are trapped in your current existence. My spirit slept from time to time just because it hurt so much to be awake. But even when asleep, my apathy bothered me. and now I'm FREE! Liberated! Unchained! Unfettered! Free....

Virginia (my counselor) met with me alone (usually Ben and I counsel with Richard and Virginia) and we prayed together. She led me in prayers when I got lost, but mostly God healed/freed me through this vision...

There was an ocean, and I was in the bottom of the ocean. It was very clear, so even though it was extremely deep, the light shone through brightly. I was wearing a white flowy dress, and I could breathe the water. There was silver pieces all over the ground, and some were growing on plants. I was collecting the silver and playing with it. I knew that I had power all over the ocean; I could control who could come in and who couldn't and whether they could breathe underwater or not. I knew that Ben was on a dock and that God was above the water, but I couldn't let them in, even though I wanted to.

Virginia led me in a prayer to invite God in, but in the vision I went up to the surface and I couldn't go close enough to go through, and I didn't know how to let God in.

The scene switched, and I was in the old GA house. In the kitchen, doing the dishes, crying. I was crying because I was hurting and even though my parents knew about it, they did not care. To them, my feelings didn't matter, it was just my performance that mattered; as long as I did everything right, they didn't care. I could see my father in the next room at the computer with his back turned from me, and I knew my mother was in her bedroom.

Then Virginia led me in a prayer: she prayed that God would come in and show me the truth, and dispel the lie that how I felt was not important.

Then Jesus came out of my dad, and he hurried into the kitchen and held me and hugged me. Then he told me that I was important to him, that he loved me and that I was his heart. He said of course how I felt was important to him, because he feels what I feel – and I was comforted but still sad. Then he told me that he would hold me whenever I needed to be held. He took my hand and drew me into the living room, laid down on the couch, and pulled me on top of him, and curled me up in a little ball and held me. I felt so loved, safe, peaceful.

Then I was back in the ocean, and I went up to the dock where Ben was. When he saw my face, he got all excited and jumped in the water and we hugged. I was happy, and then all of a sudden I wanted to cry, because I wanted God with me, and I told Virginia that I wanted God to be my daddy and be with me all the time.

She led me in a prayer to kind of invite him, and he came into the water, came up to me, hugged me, and then broke chains (previously invisible) off of me and threw them away, telling me that he was going to take care of me and not let me be chained again.

Then there was a pause, and Virginia asked God to show me if he had anything else to say to me.

He told me that he would be my daddy and he would always stay with me and that I should come to him, not Ben, when I need to be held and he would hold me. I asked "how do I know you won't leave?" – so he immediately began to build a house out of light. I started helping him, adding silver. It was all done extremely quickly. The house was like a dome of light, really beautiful. It was one room, with a little table with three chairs, a kitchen area, and a little bed. A very simple house. But very beautiful. I needed to see that to know that he lived in my heart. Then he said that now not only would he be with me, but I could come visit him whenever I wanted. I felt so much more secure, because I felt like he belonged in my heart, and of course he wouldn't leave. I felt like he was my daddy, and I didn't want any other daddy.

I have felt a change, I know I am different -- so I know that was truly God.
Tags: deities, recovery / therapy / healing, theophostic

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