Belenen (belenen) wrote,

depressed stressed lonely worried frustrated

got unfriended by someone I really care about; am pretty sure that a different (both RL & LJ) friend is offended/hurt by something about me that I refuse to change (worried how that will turn out); am irritated/offended with a different friend, feel unimportant to one of the most important people in my life; feel sad and lonely because hannah is internetless and away from home so I can't even call her (and haven't talked to her in ELEVEN DAYS); am stressed about finances; stressed about work; stressed about Ben being stressed; lonely because I get so little time with Ben... feel unable to write more about the trip because I neeeeeeeeed to process with hannah... miss hannah sooooooo much. Miss cuddles and endless talking and never being alone, going to bed with a snuggly person. Miss craziness and laughter and closeness.

And I also miss the freedom of making my own schedule. I hate having my life ordered by someone else. I feel like I never have enough time for anything -- when I really do have the time, but I simply cannot be productive if I have a deadline, unless I set the deadline myself for my own pleasure. I've gobbled up like six thick books since she left 13 days ago -- as well as renaming most of the 6,000+ photos from the trip and playing with iconmaking... my mind is afraid to relax.
Tags: lj friends, pain, work

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