July 2018
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dream (I see spirit colors & shapes and am disbelieved) / spiritual vs. physical reality

I was at a house with wooden walls and wood floors, waiting for my two friends to show up. They came in, a guy and a girl, both thick and strong-looking (neither looked like anyone I know). We talked a little, happy and loud, and then the guy vaulted over the back of the couch and went in the kitchen. As he did so, I very clearly SAW (rather than merely sensed) his spirit in balls of color, vertically (kinda like chakra stuff, but there were only three, I think) and then once he was in the kitchen, I saw three wolf-spirits run after him and circle around him, joyfully jumping around because he was happy. (they weren't full size, they were in proportion to the balls of light rather than his body) I was so incredibly thrilled and honored to see that, and see it SO CLEARLY (their forms were translucent but much sharper than everything else). So I told them both about it, thinking they would be excited, and the girl looked at me strangely and the guy looked blank and neither said anything. And I was like, "what? don't you believe me? and the girl said, "Well, wolves don't circle, so you must be wrong." And I said, "well maybe they usually don't, but those three just DID because I saw them!" And she started getting offended that I would question her because she knew tons about wolves, and I was sooooo upset that she didn't believe me, and I cried so hard I woke myself up, and after I was awake the feeling stayed with me and I kept crying.

as I was typing this up, I realized that at the time that I told my parents something that I completely believed and they told me I must be imagining things, I might have seen something spiritual and interpreted it as physical because I was too young to see a difference. That would make sense, because I vaguely remember being CERTAIN that I had seen something -- faeries I think? or a unicorn? and telling my parents, and being the literal people they are, they would have tried to beat it into my head that it was just imagination because after all, faeries don't exist. At least in the physical world, and that's the real world, right? And the tragic thing is, if that did happen, I think I would have blocked off my own ability to see spiritual things because they 'weren't real.'

and the dream was SO REAL that I feel like I actually have had the experience of seeing spirit colors and shapes. and I think it meant something more, too, I think it's about my fears of expressing spiritual things because people might interpret them in very literal ways. And I think it was wolves because I've been thinking about them a lot... and I've been thinking about spirit shapes and animal totems, all in a subconscious not-yet-expressible way. Tomorrow I get to see lovely Kazi and SabR ♥ and I want to talk to them about all this because I think they understand things about this that I don't yet.

and for the 80millionth time, I wish I had a Native American Shaman or teacher to teach me. Or if I could just take a class on Native American spirituality or something... I may not have the bloodlines, but I was born here and so were my parents and their parents, and they all loved this land, and that makes this land, and her spirit, a vital part of me.

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katielilie ══╣╠══
Hey Bel, this has nothing to do with this post, but I just wanted to tell you to please don't be discouraged by some of the opposition you've encountered on the poll you posted in the poly comm. Some people there can be, well, overly sensitive drama queens? Anyway, my advice is to just shrug your shoulders at those type of responses and move on. I, personally, have absolutely no problems answering questions about my situation. It's a relief every time I get to tell someone, I feel I'm being true to myself, open and honest; which are all things that I aspire to be able to do always. Let me know if you have any questions for me, and I'll be happy to answer.

Cool dream btw. :)
belenen ══╣hypnotiq╠══
eh, well, I've just learned once again that people as a group have no fucking patience with people who want to learn. (maybe because the concept of wanting to learn is foreign to them?) It's no wonder no one ever asks questions anymore, with that sort of attitude. I was getting my feelings hurt for a bit and finally just turned off comment notifications and ignored them, except to look at the poll. I HAD thought of the community as remarkably open, but now I don't, and that makes me a little sad. But oh well.

thanks for telling me this though, it really helped at the time. ♥
meganlynnangela ══╣╠══
you know, you might be interested in the website www.dreammoods.com. It has this whole dictionary of what certain things in dreams sometimes mean. A lot of the time the meanings don't match up, but sometimes you'll find something that really rings true.

For instance,
wood: To dream of wood, suggests that you are feeling dead inside and emotionless. You may be behaving automatically and just going along with the flow. Or you may be acting out without fully thinking things through.

couch: To see or dream that you are on a couch, represents rest, relaxation, laziness or boredom. It may also mean you need to clear you mind and thoughts. Consider also who is on the couch with you as the dream may also have sexual connotations.

kitchen: To see a kitchen in your dream, signifies your need for warmth and spiritual nourishment. It may also be symbolic of the nurturing mother. Alternatively the kitchen, represents a transformation.

spirit: To see or talk to spirits in your dream, signifies your fears about death. The spirits may be trying to guide you through some issues or problems . Pay particular attention to the spirits as they may be an answer to a waking problem.

colors: Colors in dreams represent energy, emotions, and vibes. First consider what that single color in your dream means to you and your own personal associations and relationship with that color.

wolves: To see a wolf in your dream, symbolizes beauty, solitude, mystery, self-confidence and pride. You are able to keep your composure in a variety of social situations and can blend in with any situation with ease and grace. You are a loner by choice. Negatively, it represents hostility and aggression. It may also reflect an uncontrollable force or situation in your life. In particular, if the wolf is white, then it signifies valor and victory. You have the ability to see the light even in your darkest hours.

crying: To dream that you are crying, signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and a way to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In our daily lives, we tend to ignore, deny, or repress our feelings. But in our dream state, our defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of such emotions.
To wake up crying, represents some suppressed hurt or previous trauma that is coming up to the surface. You can no longer suppress these emotions. They need to be dealt with head on.

Who knows if that means anything at all though. This could all just be crap so make sure to take it with a grain of salt.

belenen ══╣dreamy╠══
yeah, I've checked that site a few times. ;-) It helps with symbols that don't have personal meaning to me, but in this particular dream, most elements did have personal meaning, so it didn't help too much. But thanks for the effort!
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
have you read anything by carlos casteneda? i would *highly* reccomend "the teachings of don juan" and oddly enough i owuldn't reccomend "the art of dreaming" as highly, but for a sepcific reason. i think you would love it, but it takes a really long time to get through, since it's kind of a guide-- it's not presented as a guide, but if you want to learn anything from it, you have to like, read a chapter and give it two weeks (or more!) until you've got the practice down and then pick it up again. since it takes me a long time to get on top of one idea, i still haven't finished it and i started it *years* ago, but i'd highly reccomend "the teachings of don juan" to start with
belenen ══╣intrigued╠══
I don't think I'll ever have the patience it would take to read the guide-type one! But tell me a little more about "the teachings of don juan," I'm curious! Why that title?
kmiotutsie ══╣╠══
don juan was the name of the shaman who was his spirit guide. if i had a copy of that i'd send it too, but i was borrowing the copy that i read, alas. shouldn't be hard to find used for cheap though-- i'd still highly reccomend it
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
I'm not sure what I cna add other than your musings make total sense to me.
belenen ══╣connate╠══
misc : yipper
sabr ══╣misc : yipper╠══
I can't wait for you to talk to me about this dream, and hopefully Kazi too. Maybe Tuesday night when we don't get any sleep :P
belenen ══╣nuzzle╠══
I SO love that icon ♥

and next time, we will have some deep conversations, esp. about spirit animals *hugs*
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.