finding home among strangers -- evening with my partner, Kazi, SabR, Brian, Brad, and John

I had the most beautiful evening last Saturday. ♥ My partner and I went to have dinner with Kazi (malignlibra), SabR (sabr), Brian (zodiacbw), Brad (racedriver95), and John (no LJ!) -- Brian made (delicious) lasagna for us at his house.

I don't know if I can do justice to the feeling I had among them. I felt home, in a way I have never felt before. I loved the Wynnes with all my heart, but I was extremely insecure when I lived with them and could not fully believe in their love or acceptance, and even though they never treated me as such, technically I was their servant -- I wasn't around purely for the pleasure of my company. The Wynnes gave me my first taste of family, but I experienced a full banquet of it Saturday night. Even on walking in, I felt comfortable (in a brand new environment with people I'd only seen a few times and two new people also), and as the night went on I felt it more and more. I felt safe, connected.

I'm still reflecting on why I felt so at ease and accepted among - strangers! Perhaps it's because none of the group loves lightly, there is no wishy-washy maybeness. If they choose to trust, they do so in a deep way. I could be wrong since they're still new to me (the guys anyway), but I don't think I am.

I felt an instant connection when I met Brian -- my spirit recognized his, and I loved him immediately. ♥ My spirit said he was one of the most open people I have ever met, which made no sense to my mind because outwardly he seems very reserved and private -- but my spirit would brook no argument. (I'm still trying to figure out what that means) We didn't talk at all, that I can remember (except that I complimented his cooking and he thanked me), but I felt such a connection. Loving someone so strongly, so quickly, is kinda scary, kinda thrilling, very confusing. At one point we thought Kazi was upset and SabR darted to the room she was, I started to follow and then hesitated and said, 'should I go?' and then looked at Brian for an answer. He looked in my eyes a moment and then kinda half-smiled and jerked his head toward the room and said, "c'mon," and we went to the room (it turned out that Kazi wasn't actually upset). In that small action I felt like he had looked into my soul to see if I really cared about Kazi and wanted to comfort her, saw that I did, and chose to include me. I felt like he understood me, believed in me, and trusted me -- just like that. Later I was talking with SabR and he was listening so intently (it made me feel so valued) -- I haven't actually had the guts to talk to him about all this because I'm afraid that it's all one sided *eek* but I really want to know if he was interested because he knows Kazi and SabR love me, or because he felt the same connection. ((I sent this post to him before posting to see if he was okay with me posting it, he said he was (but I scared him a bit, *eek*)))

Later we all watched Playing By Heart -- I thought it was just going to be myself and SabR and Kazi, but the guys were all interested! I sat between SabR and Kazi on the couch, with Brad and John on the floor in front of them, and I invited Brian to sit in front of me (I knew my partner would rather stretch his eons-long legs out on the recliner). He leaned his head against my leg as we watched the movie, which made me feel completely included. I was so incredibly happy, watching my favorite movie of all time while cuddling with such a close-knit group of people that I felt truly safe with.

ALSO! My birthday is in two days! and I get to spend the night with SabR and Kazi and then meet SabR's magical horse, Scarlette!

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horses : scarlette : cranky
sabr ══╣horses : scarlette : cranky╠══
[x hugs her tightly x]

Such is life in the pack ;)

I am glad that you had such a good time, and that you felt the connection. I know we all feel it.

I can't WAIT for Wednesday. You are going to love it. And we're going to take 8 bazillion pictures.
lupine love
belenen ══╣lupine love╠══
*squeeeeezes you* I adore every one of you! XD
marybeth ══╣╠══
Happy Birthday!
I hope you have a great birthday Bel! I think I'm on time :-) but if not, happy early birthday.
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
Re: Happy Birthday!
I totally did and thank you! :D
darkpool ══╣╠══
Making connections is goodness. People who aren't afraid to be touchy is goodness to.
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
*nods emphatically* ;-)
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
BTW, what date is yourbirthday?
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
today -- the 6th. :-)
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
Happy birthday! *hugs*
belenen ══╣vivacious╠══
thanks! *hugs back*
juansrx ══╣DDR1╠══

belenen ══╣amused╠══
thanks! and I'll try! :D
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
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Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.