January 2019
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thank you / developments with my partner / Curves

Thank you so much, so very much, everyone who offered support and comfort on my last post ♥ I wish I could fully express how much I needed it, and how grateful I am that you gave it. Thank you, thank you.

"Love is possible only if two persons communicate with each other
from the center of their existence... only in this 'central experience'
is human reality, only here is aliveness, only here is the basis for love."
-- Erich Fromm (quoted in Kiss Me Again, my second-favorite movie)

Everything's been so much better between my partner and I since we had that huge discussion on Sunday (and small, intense discussions every day since then). I can't describe how odd it feels to be living with someone whom I don't really know -- and considering bonding with him. He says that he feels sure that as I get to know the real him, we'll be a wonderful match. He's kinda excited, actually, about the awakening he's going through. I'm bewildered by the sudden changes, but I am glad that he's being kind, and I'm hopeful about the future. Not hoping for anything in particular, just hopeful that however this turns out, it's better than the path we were on.

everything feels so surreal.

I don't know, everything is so confusing. I've been terribly scatter-brained (went to stores FOUR TIMES for various jewelry supplies for the same set), and at the same time, so much more motivated than usual. I've been meaning to try out Curves for a while (ever since someone in curvygirls mentioned that it was a body-positive place to get healthy) and finally did so this week. The experience was pretty good, on the whole -- they did attempt to get me to set 'goals' of weight/measurement but I told them that I can tell how my health is by how I feel, and I have no intention of changing the way I look -- so they didn't try to convince me. (if they had, I'd have walked out -- I am not going to be weighed and measured like a side of beef) I went twice this week (they gave me a one-week trial pass) and quite enjoyed it, it's fast-paced and not at all boring, but sadly they have a giant sign-up fee, so it will have to wait. :-( The good news is, I was able to do it fairly vigorously without being wiped out, so I'm not as unfit as I had feared! I wish I could do it now though, because I feel SO revitalized and GLOWY afterwards. I feel like the exercise takes my core energy and spreads it through my whole being. Why must they be so greedy? poo.

anyone want to buy a season or two (or eight) of Friends on DVD? I'll sell 'em cheap! 10 bucks plus shipping, negotiable.

I babysit tomorrow for the first time in years. eek.

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armandii ══╣╠══
I'm glad to hear that you and Ben are arriving at a new understanding, this could be very exciting for you both and a great opportunity for growth.

"I am glad that he's being kind".... I consider kindness to be one of the greatest attributes a person can have.
belenen ══╣blossoming╠══
thank you *hugs*

I consider kindness absolutely essential ♥
folkchick3 ══╣Starlet╠══
I think you are a brave and beautiful soul, and so right to seek happiness. Sometimes we can find that with another person, and sometimes we can not. You are open to possibilities, yet are seeking joy for yourself in whatever form that may take, and deriving hope from future paths, wherever they may lead you, whether that be "home" or to a new adventure. You deserve kindness and joy, because that is what you offer to others...it is just how (and who) you are. I think you are amazing.
belenen ══╣blossoming╠══
awww, thank you so much for your support and kind words *hugs*
writer_lilies ══╣╠══
Yeah, we're usually not as unfit as we or other people think we are. I still amaze little kids by being able to catch them when they decide to run off.
belenen ══╣amused╠══
haha! funny you should mention that... the other weekend I played hide-and-go-seek and tag with two 8-year-old boys for an HOUR! I was draaaaaaaained afterward!
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
I there is a Curves opening near me and if so, I plan on joining, I want to do some strength training and get a bit more variety in my exercise routine. I'm glad you enjoyed it so!
belenen ══╣strong╠══
very cool! ;-)
spindell ══╣╠══
Ah... I'm glad, sweetheart. Our situations (and we) never stay the same, and even if you thought you knew everything there was to know about Ben, I can guarantee than in thirty years there will still be parts of him that you haven't uncovered yet, maybe parts that he doesn't even know exist yet. And the same goes for you. You are such a wonderful mystery to be discovered - not that you are incomprehensible, but that you are meant to be explored and discovered, and discover in return.

belenen ══╣beautiful╠══
*hugs back* what beautiful words, thank you ♥
darkpool ══╣╠══
I'm really glad to hear that progress is being made with you and Ben. I read your entry BTW but didn't really know what to say. Marriage is hard sometimes...
Curves sounds like they'd be fun. I've always hated running as exercise because I et so bored and then it seems hard. We just signed yup at planet Fitness which has a sign up fee but is only ten bucks a month after that. They have this whole 30 minute express workout area where you do different machines with rests in between. it's a little low intensity for me but if I keep doing some things on the breaks it works and all the switching machines helps keep me entertained.
Try listing your Friends season on half.com. It's a great place to sell books and movie and their commission rates are much more reasonable than amazon's. They're part of ebay so you don't need to sign up for a separate account to use them.

belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
I'll definitely have to check out half.com! thanks!
aubkabob ══╣╠══
If I had the extra dough, I would SO be all over those dvds.

A couple of people I know go to Curves and love it. It sounds fabulous... but there isn't one even remotely convenient to me and my non-drivingness. They're opening a 24 hour Fitness en route to my work, which will be perfect for location - I'm just not overly certain how I will feel around whatever clientel they will attract.

I miss the women's gym I went to in Phoenix - it was so absolutely perfect, between the kickboxing classes and leg machines and water aerobics and women of all shapes and sizes! I'm certain, though, that the 24 Hour Fitness here would be different than in Phoenix, even aura wise - when I joined Bally's and ... something else like 24hr fitness, it was all the ritzy skinny buff people that had fake boobs/tans, and no room (or tolerance) for curvy me. People up here are just so different than down there, so I'm thinking that even if they are more fit, that they'll be more welcoming.
belenen ══╣aquarius╠══
ohhh water aerobics -- I wish I could do that! :-p
birdie ][ peace and understanding ..
delicatexflower ══╣birdie ][ peace and understanding ..╠══

aw, it's so good you and ben talked things

a relationship is nothing without talking
things out in full details. it's important
to let each other know what one feels...

a relationship, depends on other things, too
but i think conversation is a big thing for
any kind of relationship.
belenen ══╣interconnectedness╠══
I totally agree, communication is the basic thing on which the whole relationship is built! With Ben and I, communication broke down because he just didn't express himself, and didn't know himself well enough to know what he wanted to express! But he's working on it and making a lot of progress; everything flows so much smoother now. ♥
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.