(skipping the first few days of Hannah's visit) We went out to see A Mighty Heart today (thoughts on that later), and as we left I noticed that Hannah was really quiet. I asked if she still wanted to go shopping and she said sure, so we headed over to the store. At one point I put my hand on her knee and she didn't respond at all, which is unusual, so instead of going straight to the store I pulled over into a nearby parking lot and asked her what was wrong.
She told me that she'd been feeling completely disconnected from me, and felt that I didn't care about her or the relationship, like I didn't even try to connect. After rambling for a bit (I felt that I had been trying my hardest, with the low amount of energy I have right now), I realized I had felt like she wasn't wanting to be communicative, and I felt like I had to just accept that. I had developed that mindset because for a while this year she wasn't able to connect with me, and there was nothing I could do about it, since I don't live in the same country. Even though that's not consciously something I would be okay with, I hadn't realized that I felt that way, so it hadn't changed. I also felt like I couldn't 'call her out' if I felt like she wasn't being open/honest, because I didn't want her to feel attacked. (and she felt that my lack of 'calling her out' was because I didn't truly care to hear her heart) So we talked about it a lot and she said that yes, she's sensitive, but it's okay for me to be direct, she appreciates that. And I changed the way I was thinking, and decided to operate in faith that she's okay with me challenging her. We both believe that's a big part of soulfriendship -- challenging each other to stretch and grow. This year hasn't been kind to us, nor to our relationship, but we're moving to the next stage.
Before that discussion, we'd been disconnected in such a way that I hardly even felt her presence -- since then, we re-opened our hearts to each other and I feel her presence -- the soothing, loving touch of her spirit brushing with mine. It's amazing... I just want to curl up into a teeny tiny ball and snuggle into her belly button.
A Mighty Heart was a wonderful movie... the cinematography could have been a hell of a lot better, but everything else was pretty amazing, and Angelina gave (in my opinion) the absolute best performance of her life. That woman inspires me so much ♥ and I am so grateful that she's making some 'real' movies again.