Belenen (belenen) wrote,

Hannah and I fighting toward connection / canceling plans with friends / energy low

Right now, things are good with Hannah and I, but it has been a really hard battle -- it's like we have been tearing down walls that built themselves through distance and infrequent communication. We've had so many 'big conversations' this week -- really the same conversation, just digging into deeper levels each time. But the times between 'digging' are so magical, full of light and joy and laughter. We've taken so many insane videos *rolls eyes* (but because we are nudists most of them won't be hostable! ack!) and nearly 2,000 photos. (soon, my dears, sooooooon)

I've also been a terrible friend lately (including before Hannah got here), canceling plans with Kazi and Brian three times and canceling on SabR and Leslie too... I really feel dreadful about it. I abhor not keeping my word, and that's what I did... Kazi/Brian/SabR and I had a long chat about it a few nights ago and I think they're willing to forgive me but ugh, I can't get it out of my mind. And I hate that my various irrational fears have made it seem as if I don't want to see them, when I really deeply miss them. (and I wanted to meet Leslie) Also, FYI to LJ friends, please forgive my lack of commenting during the visit -- I'll still be reading but probably won't comment, and I may miss stuff. If there are any posts you'd especially like my input on, leave me the link and I will do my very best to respond as soon as possible.

I didn't realize how low on energy I am until this week -- things that would have been so easy for me are so hard now. Resting and connecting with Hannah helps, though, and I feel like my energy is slowly increasing.

because the icon and subject are depressed, but for the past day I've been happy:

(photo by Hannah)
Tags: friendship, hannah, hannah -- visiting 2007 (home), lj friends, photos, relationships

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