When I first 'came out,' I self-labeled as queer for two reasons. (the larger reason is something I'll discuss in another post, 'cause it's loooooong) The smaller reason was that 'bisexual' seemed too limiting, seemed to lend itself to assumptions that would be untrue. My feelings about labels have changed since then.

Labels are useful. I never understood hating them -- they're just adjectives, they don't actually define you. They're great as a jumping-off point for understanding, which is their purpose. They only become a problem when people stop there -- when people don't go further, ask more questions and discover what that label means to the specific person using it. Because labels have no real meaning until explained. To one person, lesbian means "have only ever been attracted to women, only ever slept with women, and only will ever sleep with women." To another, it simply means "woman who only wants to sleep with women from here on out" and to yet another, it means "more attracted to women than men." I knew a woman who was married to a man, had never had sex with women and intended to only have sex with her husband for the rest of her life, but she identified as lesbian. If I knew nothing of her life and heard that she identified as lesbian, I might make assumptions that would be quite wrong -- which is why one should always ask more questions after hearing someone's self-label.

So that is why I have decided to identify as 'bisexual' -- yes, people may make assumptions, but that is their failing, not mine. I want to label myself as bisexual because that seems the most honest category for me, and because I want to help change the erroneous view many have of bisexuals. I am also queer, but to me that is a broader category meaning "not straight," and it simply doesn't say enough for me to be satisfied.

I would love if you'd please respond to this post with your sexual/relational self-label and what it means to you. Comments are screened but will be unscreened unless you ask for them to stay screened.