My posts have been monomaniacal lately, which is a bit irksome to me because when people come across it I feel they get the wrong idea about me. But sex (the act, sexual identity/ preference/ orientation, the social beliefs about it) seems to be the theme in my thoughts lately so it's the theme here. I suppose I'll just have to live with my monomaniacal LJ until the theme passes ;-)
On another note, I'm so freaking out of shape! I almost never get my heart rate up, never exert myself, and as a result I get out of breath so easily. And my muscles are weak, which annoys me greatly because I've always been strong. I really miss the feeling of confidence that comes with muscle strength. When I worked on the farm, I never got out of breath and never got tired (unless I did something REALLY exhausting like muck out the barn) -- I don't miss the drudgery and depression but I do miss my fitness! So I'm going to make that a current project -- for every thirty minutes of sitting I'm going to do some half-jumping-jacks (while holding my breasts, so they aren't REAL jumping jacks but I don't care to have my breasts fly off) to get my heart rate up (or maybe I'll get a jump rope and sports bra), and I'm going to sign up for Curves (now that we can afford it yay!) and go three times a week. And in a few months I'm going to start taking bellydance lessons again!
A few months ago I wrote this and never posted it, so here you go: I went to Unity Church, which had been recommended to me by the one lady who showed up for my first meetup. Very strangely, when I went searching on the Unity website before that, this particular church didn't show up. So even though I spent hours googling churches, this one came to me by word of mouth, through an endeavor that was rather stretching for me.
It was amazing. They have a female pastor, which is so exciting to me because I've never had a female pastor before, and she reminds me SO MUCH of Adrienne Liesching (lead singer of The Benjamin Gate, one of my heroines). They're LGBT-affirming, which is a requirement for me in a church. They are inclusive of many religions, which is really fascinating and I'm excited about learning about various paths to God/dess in an environment of love. It reminded me of Liberty because the people were so friendly, but there was an additional openness that even Liberty people don't have, for the most part. At one point, the pastor asked everyone to turn to three people and tell them, "I love you lavishly!" Now in Liberty, that happened too, and people did it, but with a kind of 'oh this is silly' attitude. These people meant it. And they didn't stop at three people and they didn't stop at saying it, but started getting up and hugging each other! And the pastor laughed and said, "I knew I'd never get you back!" and then people laughed and settled down. After the service they have a sort of welcome class that I went to, and it was nice, but I was a little disappointed that I didn't get to meet many other people because it took a lot of time.
They have healing offered every Sunday after service! So I experienced reiki for the first time, though I was a little skeptical, wondering if it was going to be something created by my expectations. But I FELT the energy flowing and I knew that it was more than mine. It felt kinda like static electricity, but hotter and more cozy, maybe like an electric blanket. And afterwards I felt so much taller! He said he had stretched my spine and adjusted the alignment, which was exactly what it felt like. I felt like there was energy flowing down both sides of my body at different rhythms, and then they gradually got closer until they matched. I was very impressed and excited! I want to learn how to do it.
I've been four times now, and I'm not as excited about it (but still like it a lot). In a few of the people I've met, I sense this 'open-minded arrogance' which seems paradoxical, but it's like they're so proud of their open-mindedness that it has become a new kind of dogma! People who have open-minded-dogma are very condescending to any way of thinking that they see as less enlightened. ((I get scared that I might be that way or seem that way -- I talked about it with Ben though and he says I'm definitely not, so I feel better now.)) Anyway, I haven't met many people (and I could be wrong about those few who did seem that way), so I'm still enjoying the church very much. Just being around people who are focused on spiritual growth is REALLY good for me.
Last Sunday I went to Unity again and the assistant pastor Bill spoke (because Nancy was out of town) about how to find happiness. One of the things he focused on was surrounding yourself with positive, growth-oriented people. I had noticed a girl who seemed close to my age sitting in the row in front of me, and had thought about giving her my contact info (since I thought I'd have to leave early but Bill is less verbose than Nancy), and his topic convinced me that I should. So I super-nervously spoke to her after the service (she had to offer her name because of course I forgot, and then I gave her the wrong name! agh!) and gave her my contact info, and she seemed open to the idea of being friends. And then I was very relieved that she actually contacted me AND added me on LJ (hi theindiequeen!) so I didn't put her off. And she lives decently close instead of HOURS away like everyone else! So hopefully we'll get to meet sometime this week. I am very proud of my own bravery! When I think back about how I used to be... just wow.
I am pretty desperate for friends in the area. I have so many AMAZING friends but you all live too damn far away! And I want to do stuff! The only friend I have close by is Ben, so when he is home I want to spend time with him, so I only do things that we both like -- which is pretty much go to coffee, go driving, or stay home. (every now and then he'll go to the used book store with me) And of course when he's at work he has the car, so I can't go out then. *sigh* I'm looking forward to getting a second car. Or a friend who lives nearby and likes similar things so that I can do stuff with them instead of by myself.
ALSO! Crafty friends, I want to commission a bright rainbow-colored ruffle-front or zip-up knit duster (like this or this or this, only in rainbow yarn) Are any of you available/able to do that sort of commission, or do you know anyone who is? As long as the prices are reasonable and the person is vouched for I'll be happy to pay half in advance (or if it is one of you, I'll pay it all in advance). I'd also be up for a thick rainbow fabric if the maker can find it.