Belenen (belenen) wrote,

identity: my self-labels and my definitions of them

Words and actions are like clothing; we can express ourselves with them, but they cannot describe the person we are. They can hint, they can shout, but they cannot sum us up. People are simply too complex, and too much of us exists in a place where no one can see actions or hear words. The only label that has any worth is our self-label: the words we choose to dress ourselves in. And even those have no worth until we explain our own meaning for them.

On that note, here are the words I wear: spiritual, creative, honest, open, compassionate, bisexual, polyamorous, partnered, nuevo-gypsy, Georgian, curvy body-positive, fiercely individualistic, feminist/equalist, genderfree female-bodied person. (in no particular order) And my definitions:

spiritual: I don't adhere to any one religion, but believe in whatever resonates with me. The main belief systems I draw from are ancient Egyptian concepts (including aspects of Kemetic Orthodoxy), Native American animism, Christianity, and Buddhism (I don't know much about it but I really love Hotei). I worship God/dess, and have a relationship with several of hir personalities, of Christian and Kemetic names. Ultimately I believe God/dess is love, that the physical world is a metaphor for the spiritual world, and that we chose to come to earth to learn how to love more. I believe everything is connected, all things have a spirit and a name, and there is no such thing as a coincidence.

creative: I am one who creates. I do my best to create love in myself and others, and to pour myself out in my creations: my writing, photography, modeling, beadweaving, painting, dancing, singing -- whatever way I can. I believe that every act of creation ripples out and changes the world (as does destruction, but that in a negative way). Even if no one ever sees my art, I feel I have changed the world simply by creating it (though I think it has even more power when shared).

honest: I do my best to never lie. I think 'little white lies' are like 'little white maggots' that infest connectedness and ruin it. Even one 'little white maggot' in a bowl of soup is going to make you not want to eat it -- I feel the same way about lies. If you can't trust me on something small, how can you trust me with your heart? also, little white maggotlies are usually born from insecurity in the relationship, or lack of willingness to work out all issues. 'I don't want to offend her' or 'I don't want conflict.' Conflict is the best source of growth. I say brrrrring it oooooooon.

open: I will share myself with my friends without prompting, and I will share myself with strangers upon them showing the interest to know. I think every time one person shares themselves with another, that creates more of a connection and ripples out to affect the whole world. To me, honesty is giving truth when it is asked for (passive), and openness is offering your truth (active).

compassionate: My most intense passion in life is to learn, in order to grow, and to grow, in order to love - more deeply, more freely, more openly. I believe love is my purpose for being. The more I love people, the easier it gets, because I come to understand them more, and when you truly understand a person, it's the easiest and most natural thing in the world to love them. I believe that at core we are all amazing, glorious spirits of incalculable worth. We all have a level of brokenness that keeps our spirits from being able to shine as they were meant to, but every act of love ripples out a wave of healing.

bisexual: For me, this means I am open to a romantic/sexual relationship with any person, regardless of what sex they are (including intersexed and transsexual people). I prefer the term 'bisexual' because I want to change the negative ideas people have about that term, because I have an irrational dislike of 'pansexual', and because other terms seem to evade the point -- that I'm not attracted to only one sex. I'm attracted to the spirits, which come in earthsuits of many different shapes.

polyamorous: For me, this means that I am open to multiple committed relationships, and I am open to sexual experiences (with my partners and with others) for the sake of the growth and connection that they offer. (full post on the subject -- how I choose my lovers)

partnered: I prefer this term to 'married' because it more accurately describes the relationship my partner and I have. He is not my husband (a word which originally meant 'master of the house' and in most marriages I've seen, still means that), he is my partner, the person I share my life with in a completely equal relationship. There is no 'head' of our household -- we are both followers of the same vision, walkers down the same path. Partner also removes the 'straight' implication which 'married' seems to have. My partner's name is Ben, and we've been together since January 2002, legally married since December 2003.

nuevo-gypsy, Georgian: I'm a wanderer. Maybe because my dad was in the military and I moved a lot as a kid, maybe because I have Pavee heritage (guesses/hopes, not known for sure), maybe just because I am insatiably curious and want to meet all the people I can. Whatever the case, I don't like staying in one place for more than a year or two at a time. Ideally I'd like to be traveling for at least half the year, and spend all of summer in Georgia. I have intense ties to this state, not so much because of the people I know here, but because of the land itself. I have red clay in my veins. And I love the warmth of the climate (deep, baking heat mmm) and the people (who wave and smile back!). I love southerners -- we're like other people, only more so. ;-)

curvy body-positive: I have curves, and I love them. I believe that variety is beauty, and subtle curves are as attractive as voluptuous curves and vice versa. I have fat in the same way that I have skin, blood, and muscles -- it is a part of me. I like it well enough (makes me soft and fun to hug!) but it doesn't define me. In my mind, I have completely eradicated the false belief that the thinner you are the more attractive you are. Instead, I believe unique = attractive and since we are all unique we are all attractive. I find thick and thin people equally attractive. I love my body because it is MINE -- I wouldn't trade it for the body of a 'super'model if you paid me a million dollars. I believe I have the perfect looks, as does everyone else, since we are supposed to look like ourselves. There is no such thing as a 'body flaw'! In June 2005, I created curvygirls, which is making ripples of change in the world through celebrating variety as beauty.

fiercely individualistic: you may have guessed this by now, but I am passionately in favor of everyone being themselves. I speak up as much as I can when faced with the false belief that people need to conform to ANY standard.

feminist/equalist: I am a feminist because women are still oppressed all over the world. We are still in need of liberation and empowerment. I am an equalist because I believe that all discrimination is linked. If we eliminate sexism, we will eliminate heterosexism (homophobia). If we eliminate racism, we are much closer to eliminating sexism. And everyone suffers from discrimination. White straight men are the most privileged group (in the US anyway), and even they suffer because they are taught arrogance and callousness, distance, stoicism, cynicism. (TAUGHT that -- it is not inherent and it is unlearnable) If any human suffers, we all suffer. I'm anti-porn for too many reasons to list here, but this site will give you an inkling.

nudist: I'm a nudist because nudity is the natural human state. It has been fetishized by our culture, but there is nothing inherently sexual about it. Sex is a function of our bodies, it is not their purpose; their primary purpose is to allow us to interact with the world. (whole rant here)

genderfree female-bodied person: I experience life as a woman (from the way the world views/treats me), and live in a female body. But I believe that the inner self, the true self, is sexless. I am not a woman -- I am a PERSON. Don't get me wrong: I love what I have learned from my experience in a female body, and I love my shape. But they are just part of my experience -- they are not who I am. I am a spirit living in a body that happens to be female. (full post here)

I'm also quite verbose. obviously :D but this is long even for me.

LJ idol topic 0: introduction/open topic (no voting this round!)
Tags: art, art -- photography, body image, clothesfree, creativity, curvygirls, deities, gender, georgia, honesty, identity, jewelry, learning, love, openness, passions, personality, philosophical musings, polyamory / relationship anarchy, queerness, social justice / feminism, spirituality, the essential belenen collection, wanderlusting, writing prompts

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