April 2018
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my scars -- my healed wounds -- are my greatest strengths



Missy Higgins -- Scar

I think I realised just in time, although my old self was hard to find
You can bathe me in your finest wine but I'll never give you mine
'Cos I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys
Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?


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I see scars as very beautiful; they are proof of pain not only survived, but healed. Physical scars are beautiful to me, but the scars that can't be seen are the ones that truly awe me.

Scars are not wounds plus time. I don't know who came up with the idea that time heals all wounds, but that's bullshit. Time is a poor doctor; try using time to heal a broken leg. The wound might close up, but the leg will never heal properly, and will always hurt. Non-physical wounds are no different! Time can handle a minor scratch, but for a deep wound it can do no more than close the obvious gap. Allowing deep wounds to close on the surface does not bring much relief -- the slightest bump sends fresh pain searing throughout one's being.

Scars are healed wounds, hard-earned at the price of more pain than the initial wound. Cleaning it, stitching it, sometimes re-setting bones -- there is no emotional anesthesia for healing a wound. It's so much easier to leave the wound unhealed and just take emotional painkillers: work, alcohol/drugs, sex, entertainment, even caregiving. Scars are worn by those who are willing/able to suffer pain for the sake of wholeness, determined to regain the full life taken away by their wounds.

I still have unhealed wounds. Time closed them over and now they are not so easy to find, but when bumped against they make themselves felt. Some of them are so deep I am still afraid to open them up, but I will get there.

My scars are my greatest strengths. The weapons of sexual, emotional, verbal, and spiritual abuse left me with wounds of shame, self-hate, isolation, cynicism, judgment, deceit, and loneliness. But after healing -- with help from counselors who helped to cleanse and friends who helped to bind my wounds -- I am left with the scars of openness, freedom, self-love, connection, faith, compassion, honesty, and love. That which destroyed me now nourishes me. Perhaps I would have gained these things without the initial wounding -- who can know? -- but I don't think I could have felt the full scope of them if I had not started from the farthest point. I don't regret any of the wounds that gave me the opportunity to develop my beautiful scars.

LJ idol topic 9: "My Scars" ((if you liked/got something from this, please vote for me!))

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Comments
imafarmgirl ══╣╠══
well said.
rockstarjoker4 ══╣╠══
^^^Ditto

Thank you LJ Idol. The posts you make for this are always so inspiring!
acid_burns ══╣╠══
Could you leave me with a scar...
Thank you for this ♥
suesniffsglue ══╣╠══
You're such a positive person in your writing. It's wonderful that you were able to pull this message of strength out of what has taken the trend of a very dreary topic. Wonderful job!
mme_furiosa ══╣╠══
You made this so yours in that beautiful way you have.
Lilo Kisses
roina_arwen ══╣Lilo Kisses╠══
Lovely, as is the author!
cyclops25503 ══╣╠══
I would have to agree with you...the problem with non-physical wounds is that unless people know about whats happened, and they take that into consideration, its very hard, as they can sometimes "bump" those wounds, even without knowing or intending. Back in 2005, all Hell broke loose for me when a good friend of mine did a 180 degree personality flip and started harassing me, and basically, life was never the same since, and I have to be careful, as if i see something or hear something that reminds me of him, i feel like crap. :-/
walkertxkitty ══╣╠══
Nice entry, well said and well written.
frecklestars ══╣╠══
I really enjoyed this entry, and totally agree that time does not heal all wounds. I do not scar though, and in a way, I wish I did have physical scars as testimony to things that have happened. Most of my friends find this a very weird wish, but I don't think it's too odd. I want people to know where I've been, after reading the maps on my skin.

Also, I apologize for the cheesy but unintentional rhyming. :P
n_decisive ══╣╠══
Scars are not wounds plus time.

Brava, lovely lady, brava!
libra_dragon ══╣╠══
Very well written and I enjoyed reading.
verviana ══╣╠══
right on. this echoes my own sentiments, much more eloquently than i would have said them myself.
lacombe ══╣╠══
Congratulations for having the strength to have healthy scars- it's more than I've managed. My scars are horrible, festering things. :-/
sircaliban ══╣╠══
I like the way you did this entry. I agree, scars are something that change us.. and after they heal they make us wiser
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.