Missy Higgins -- Scar
I think I realised just in time, although my old self was hard to find
You can bathe me in your finest wine but I'll never give you mine
'Cos I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys
Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?
And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?
I see scars as very beautiful; they are proof of pain not only survived, but healed. Physical scars are beautiful to me, but the scars that can't be seen are the ones that truly awe me.
Scars are not wounds plus time. I don't know who came up with the idea that time heals all wounds, but that's bullshit. Time is a poor doctor; try using time to heal a broken leg. The wound might close up, but the leg will never heal properly, and will always hurt. Non-physical wounds are no different! Time can handle a minor scratch, but for a deep wound it can do no more than close the obvious gap. Allowing deep wounds to close on the surface does not bring much relief -- the slightest bump sends fresh pain searing throughout one's being.
Scars are healed wounds, hard-earned at the price of more pain than the initial wound. Cleaning it, stitching it, sometimes re-setting bones -- there is no emotional anesthesia for healing a wound. It's so much easier to leave the wound unhealed and just take emotional painkillers: work, alcohol/drugs, sex, entertainment, even caregiving. Scars are worn by those who are willing/able to suffer pain for the sake of wholeness, determined to regain the full life taken away by their wounds.
I still have unhealed wounds. Time closed them over and now they are not so easy to find, but when bumped against they make themselves felt. Some of them are so deep I am still afraid to open them up, but I will get there.
My scars are my greatest strengths. The weapons of sexual, emotional, verbal, and spiritual abuse left me with wounds of shame, self-hate, isolation, cynicism, judgment, deceit, and loneliness. But after healing -- with help from counselors who helped to cleanse and friends who helped to bind my wounds -- I am left with the scars of openness, freedom, self-love, connection, faith, compassion, honesty, and love. That which destroyed me now nourishes me. Perhaps I would have gained these things without the initial wounding -- who can know? -- but I don't think I could have felt the full scope of them if I had not started from the farthest point. I don't regret any of the wounds that gave me the opportunity to develop my beautiful scars.
LJ idol topic 9: "My Scars" ((if you liked/got something from this, please vote for me!))