Belenen (belenen) wrote,
Belenen
belenen

important events in 2007 / waiting in dim light

a drawing titled "Earth Waiting" by Eric Gill
& a fractal titled "Caged" by Jann Merese:



I spent 2007 waiting. Waiting to get over being dumped, waiting for Nimajneb to get the promotion, waiting for Hannah and I to reconnect, waiting for Hannah to come visit, waiting to find a second car, waiting for my rotten bio-parents to get divorced, waiting to find friends nearby... waiting for the next stage of my life to start. I hate waiting. I'm an extremely eager and impatient person, I like to be running through life. I feel like this year was spent crawling. I spent a lot of it depressed, and all of it lonely. There were a few bright spots (like meeting Kat! seeing those photos again made me so happy ♥), but really not enough! I want to do more with 2008. I want to come out of it feeling like I have a handful of jewels, not just three or four. (I plan to post my goals soon)



January
... -- recovering from being dumped by Ashley
10th -- offer to speak at Liberty when they have a panel discussion called "Going Beyond Your Weight." (big step for me) They never get back with me.
13th -- beautiful day with SabR
22nd -- I post the history of Nimajneb and I
25th -- I begin a friendship with my lil sis
February
2nd -- SabR & Kazi confront Ashley about some things, including how she treated me on the night we broke up -- Ashley & Mike react negatively. Lily doesn't get involved but unfriends us afterward.
3rd -- beautiful evening with Nimajneb, Kazi, SabR, Brian, Brad, and John
6th -- my birthday! SabR and Kazi come over and celebrate with me ♥
7th -- I get to meet SabR's horses!
23rd -- Nimajneb gets passed over for promotion; financial strife.
March
5th -- beautiful day with lil sis
... -- Lily comes by to explain why she cut contact with me; I appreciate the effort but do not feel enlightened by her explanation of being afraid of the 'darkness' in me. But closure is good.
26th -- begin deep friendship with Meliae
30th -- Nimajneb gets passed over for promotion AGAIN; more financial strife.
April
... -- try to get a job, get car fixed, depression
26th -- parents give me my jeep
May
2nd -- Kat comes to visit!!!!!!
3rd -- go to Redtop Mountain with Kat
4th -- did a photoshoot of Kat in my makeshift studio, got a dreadful haircut, went to coffeehouse
5th -- Renaissance festival with Kat!!!! buy Ma'at figurine and amazing skirt
6th -- drove to Myrtle Beach with Kat, met her sister, took fantastic photos
7th -- drove allllll the way back by myself! huge victory over phobias!
21st -- realize that problems with Nimajneb are not based on financial strife; consider ending marriage.
21-25 -- Nimajneb begins to change, to discover himself and to open up. He's excited about his changes.
June
1st -- six-week wildfires in GA, terrible drought; it worries/saddens me
8th -- I 'come out' in my LJ as polyamorous and explain my views of sex. This marks the beginning of me truly embracing being polyamorous and making it a part of my life.
... -- sell jeep, use most of money for Hannah's visit
16th -- Nimajneb and I are fighting and making progress
20th -- Hannah comes to visit
23rd -- I get a permanent account thanks to the wonderful generosity of my LJ friends!!!
29th -- cancel plans with Kazi, SabR, Brian -- really hurt them :-(
July
2nd -- visit Etowah Indian Mounds with Nimajneb
... -- visit with Hannah; struggles, fighting, loneliness, depression. My camera broke. But did have some lovely days when Nick also visited.
August
8th -- new camera!!!
... -- start a meetup group for women; few people show up and after the subscription is over I give up. But it marks a milestone because I went far out of my comfort zone to start something like that and then go meet strangers.
... -- depression and loneliness
25-31 -- Hilton Head with biofamily; tension and frustration, but some fun with lil sis and mom. I take portraits of/with them.
30th -- Nimajneb takes artistic nudes and portraits of me (at my direction).
September
18th -- I contact Ashley to tell her that I forgive her and am sorry for any hurt I may have caused, and offer to talk with her to create a better ending to our relationship. She responds positively and we start talking.
25th -- Nimajneb FINALLY gets his promotion! We realize how it was meant to be, as he gets to stay at his store with managers he likes and goes through new training that revolutionizes his thinking and helps him to grow.
30th -- I post on bisexuality as a stable and legitimate sexual preference. This marks the evolution of my sexual identity -- I am now confident and no longer feel inferior for not being monosexual.
October
9th -- I write my first poem in many years
11th & 12th -- I visit Ashley and we spend time together -- nothing very deep, but positive.
... -- I start visiting Unity Church, meet Sara
28th -- I join therealljidol
November
19th -- experience loss of faith in everything
26th -- soulfriendship with Hannah ends, officially
December
5th -- intense depression
... -- Kristy gets married and doesn't invite me; Ashley uninvites me to her birthday celebration.
9th -- push past communication block thanks to SabR, Kazi, Meliae, & especially Megan.
15th -- Christmas lifts me up
21st -- begin Art Fridays ;-)
31st -- have incredibly beautiful day; meet Amber, see Enchanted, hug from Thiago, long talk with Ava!


At the beginning of 2007, I wrote that I had shed my skin and had reached completeness -- grown into my adult form, which made it possible for new kinds of growth. I think this was true, as I look back and remember how I felt then, and see all the fears that I overcame. I think that despite the dim light of 2007, I did grow a lot. I'm hoping and praying and believing in more light in 2008, and I think I will grow even more.
Tags: life story, the essential belenen collection
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