April 2018
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LJ journey to openness & honesty; my love for nudity

I've had my LJ since 2003 -- more than four years now. Over that time I've made an incredible journey thanks to my LJing ways. Not long after I started my LJ I decided that I wanted to be more open and honest, and that I wanted to use my journal as a way to reach that goal. I began to share my thoughts and feelings publicly, which was very difficult at first; but as I shared, I grew closer to my friends and they became more supportive, which made me able to share deeper levels of myself. The rare attack served to strengthen me, because I stood up for myself with the validation of my friends. In 'real' life I became more outgoing and confident, because I had learned that people respond positively to confident vulnerability and earnestness, and that the occasional negative reaction cannot possibly overwhelm all the positive reactions.

The more open and honest I become, the more I value transparency. It extends to every part of my life -- I dislike secrets, do not care for privacy, and cannot stand lies. I don't believe that there is a such thing as TMI because I don't think anything should be taboo to speak of. I do not like hiding in any way -- concealing makeup, figure-altering clothing (or indeed, any clothing at all), keeping quiet when my spirit demands that I speak up, acting strong when I am weak, etc. I want to be on the outside the same as I am on the inside. There have been times when I have been afraid to post something because I worried that my friends list might react negatively; I saw those topics as a challenge, and once I had gathered enough courage I posted them.

My outspokenness has caused issues in my face-to-face relationships, but the only thing that has caused a significant issue here on LJ is my love of nudity. I've lost a handful of friends over it, one which I really miss (the others not so much). I take nude self-portraits and model for art nudes, and I share the images online. I consider nudity natural and pure (though it has been fetishized by society); some do not share my opinion and consider it crass or even wicked. Others are comfortable with the idea of nude modeling, but are made uncomfortable by me posting the images in my journal and using nude icons. I have made the compromise of putting large nude photos under an lj-cut that is labeled with a warning, but I will not give up my nude icons. Icons are a person's image on LJ, and nudity as pure art is a very important part of who I am.

When I realize my actions are making someone uncomfortable, I consider changing. I weigh how important the issue is to me with how much it bothers the other person, and why. If it is not an important part of my being and that person is speaking for themselves, I am happy to change to accommodate a friend. However, if the issue concerns something that I consider a vital part of who I am, I will change it for no one. For instance, I will not lie for someone (except perhaps in a life and death situation). Also, if I consider the person to be speaking for society instead of speaking for themselves, I am not likely to change because I do not care about society. I don't have to worry much about that one because I don't really attract those who tend to speak for society; I attract those who, like me, enjoy having their mindsets upended.

art nude of me standing boldly, chin up, arms upraised -- pit hair showing, full belly not sucked in. titled Imposing.

Oh dear, am I imposing? making you uncomfortable?
disturbing your world-view?


LJ idol topic 10: "Whose LJ is it anyway?" ((if you liked/got something from this, please vote for me))

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flutterbychild ══╣dream╠══
I, too, love my own nudity, because I love and accept and cherish me...and I must say that you are gorgeous! *drools*
curvygirl -- me (belly goddess)
belenen ══╣curvygirl -- me (belly goddess)╠══
yay for loving nudity and thank you! :D
conformer ══╣transmitter╠══

Well said.

And way to subvert the dominant paradigm.

One mind at at time.

belenen ══╣artless╠══
haha, thanks! :D
belly love
earthy_goddess ══╣belly love╠══
This entry is great! I love this photograph of you. It is really striking. You look so strong and confident here. You are so beautiful, Bel! Wow!

Good luck with LJ Idol. I am still voting.... :)
curvygirl -- me (nude)
belenen ══╣curvygirl -- me (nude)╠══
thank you! :D I can't wait to share the others. ♥
armandii ══╣╠══
I feel at my most comfortable when nude and I like your photograph very much.
belenen ══╣revolutionary╠══
me too. I'm almost always nude when I'm at home (the only times I'm not are when I'm too cold). ;-)

and thanks!
frecklestars ══╣amazing╠══
I don't think I could say it enough: that you a completely amazing person and I hope that someday I am able to be as honest and open as you are!!!

Oh, and this is going in my list of memorable entries, if that's all right. I want to read and re-read this, so I might be inspired to drop some of my own fear of sharing too much or being too much myself.
belenen ══╣dancy╠══
awww, what a wonderful thing to say! thanks so much!

and of course it's all right -- I'm flattered *hugs*
like_lilith ══╣╠══
You are beautiful, inside and out.
curvygirl -- me (swirl)
belenen ══╣curvygirl -- me (swirl)╠══
awwww, thank you lovey ♥
Jamie : Hazel Eyes
bluebl00d ══╣Jamie : Hazel Eyes╠══
I love this entry ♥!
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
yay! thanks :D
adpaz ══╣Cleavage╠══
Bravo! I can definitely understand where you're coming from with everything - making small changes for friends but sticking by your guns for the big ones. And I'm glad to find someone who views nudity the same way I do. 99% of the time, I'm naked when I'm home. Not because it's titillating or to turn my husband on, but because it is how I am comfortable.

And I think you're very brave putting your photos out there. I applaud you for it. I'll have pictures taken of me without shame, but I haven't felt brave enough to share them with the world. Maybe I need to think about that a bit. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful entry.
belenen ══╣dancy╠══
yay boobs! *giggles*

99% of the time I'm naked at home too, just because it's most comfortable. I only wear clothes when people who aren't comfortable with nudity are around, or when it's too cold.

Thank you. It took a LOT of bravery at first, but now I'm comfortable with it and it's second nature.

Thank YOU for your lovely comment!
jendaby ══╣Petal╠══
I always find your openness and honesty inspirational and insightful. I enjoy reading your posts because I know you are going to say what you mean and I don't have to second-guess - and it reminds me that i do not need to feel so uptight about things. :)

I think your portrait is lovely! :)
belenen ══╣incitement╠══
aww, thank you! :D One of my favorite compliments ever was from Ben's twin, who said that when I give her a compliment it means a lot, because she knows I never say things I don't mean ;-)

thank you! I have a series to share soon ;-)
left breast
amber_n_teal ══╣left breast╠══
- I dislike secrets, do not care for privacy, and cannot stand lies.

loved this post
belenen ══╣honesty╠══
yay! thank you for the comment ♥
acid_burns ══╣╠══
How come you're so amazing, Bel? ♥
aliyna ══╣╠══
♥ Seconded!

(PS, Bel, I started reading Mystic & Rider, only got in the first chapter, but I already love it. Thank you forever.)
belenen ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣╠══
n_decisive ══╣╠══
You are absolutely beautiful. I wish I was a strong as you are. Keep being who you are!
belenen ══╣beautiful╠══
thank you! ;-)
Cute and Cuddly
puppetmaker40 ══╣Cute and Cuddly╠══
I love that you know who you are and don't give two figs about what others think.

You are a Beautiful Person inside and out.
belenen ══╣amused╠══
I don't give one fig either! haha :D

thank you so much ♥
08; candles.
delicatexflower ══╣08; candles. "glowing wicks"╠══

beautiful picture!

your openness and honesty is so inspirational and thoughtful.

i always look forward to hear what you have to say ♥
belenen ══╣adoring╠══
thank you so much! ♥
deleon ══╣╠══
You should know that because of you I have a goal to become a more open and "honest" person as well, and by "going public" on LJ, I think that is a great way to do it.
belenen ══╣incitement╠══
oh, how wonderful! I am so glad ♥
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on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.