I went into my sanctuary to meditate and pray, and as I started talking to God/dess I realized that prayer is not as easy as it once was. When I fit wholly within the Christian belief system, prayer was easy -- just ask for the things you want, and thank for the things you have. Now... it's not so easy, because I don't see God/dess the same way -- not a male-bodied being on a throne, but a multi-dimensional, multi-faceted, unsexed and DEFINITELY ungendered being which is truly omnipresent. I feel zir as soooooooo much BIGGER than before, and it is hard to feel the personal connection. I'm not sure what to do with this. Do I pray to each facet that I resonate with, or pray to the whole being that the facets are part of? Hm. I'm just remembering a similar issue I had with the trinity, maybe I will pray separately at first. I dunno. I feel pretty confused about it. And I miss having the same deity as someone else and being able to simultaneously connect with that deity -- what an amazing feeling that is.
The meditation/prayer helped, as did going for a short drive in the warm sun and cool air, but I still feel so on edge. If this is part of the incubation/awakening that seems to be happening in my tribe, I feel sorry for everyone else, heh. I just want to tear something or scream or explode! I'm in the mood to create but I can't because I don't want this energy going into my creation, and I can't calm down enough anyway. I think I'm going to go out again.
