Belenen (belenen) wrote,

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Ow. My eyes are cracking and curling in like mud that's lost it's water.....

.....because of all the freakin' cryin' I been doin' yestiddy and t'day. Omig'nss. La.

So anyway, I've been missing my God. I feel like there is some kind of wall between us, and in my subconscious somewhere I know what it is, but I cannot for the life of me bring it to consciousness. But He's been talking to me through Nimajn, who is finally comfortable with his gift. HALLELUJAH!!!! From God mainly I get "Soon" and "Wait" and "Stop trying so hard to please me, I love you the way you are and you can't make me love you more!" ...NONE of which help my impatience. Oh, the bane of my life. That I love. I really do love how I am impatient, though I think it would be better expressed as "eagerness." He says wonderful things about me too, telling me I am a valiant warrior and I have wings where others have only feet, and of course using my nickname, "Shimmer." He couldn't have found a word I'd love more, but then He's God, so duh.

It's official! I'm doing a truly Kristen truly weird and wild thing. Ben and I, plus another Ben and another Kristen, who "just happened" to be the ones on the BenGate forum who want to make the 14+ hour road trip, are going to Denison TX to see the Benjamin Gate at their last show! (that is so God, I'm pumped) And I am determined to be bold. I'm not letting Adrienne go back to South Africa without having an actual conversation with me. (I hope) We'll see. Heh, glad my 'rents don't know about this. The lectures'd last longer than the drive time (total of 28 hours).

I'm so mingled right now... happy about seeing the Benjamin Gate once more, sad that they are ending, nervous about my exam on Saturday, regretful about missing Breakthrough tonight, thankful that God has given Nimajn confidence in his gift, relieved that God insists I'm not selfish, and just confused. ;-)
Tags: adrienne, b - ex-partner, deities, spirituality

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