Belenen (belenen) wrote,

etheric & mind connections online & in person / D and K are spirit-kin to me

When I connect with someone online, it's initially because of a mind connection; we have similar beliefs or interests. Later I might find that I have an etheric (soul and/or heart and/or spirit) connection. In person it is the exact opposite -- my first impression is whether or not we have an etheric connection, and I learn the person's beliefs later (or often not at all, as most people don't share so easily).

If I have a mind connection with someone and later discover that we don't have an etheric connection, it might be a little bit disappointing but it's not a big deal because we still can connect through shared beliefs/interests/views. However meeting someone I have an etheric connection with and discovering that we have absolutely nothing in common mind-wise -- to the point where we can't really have casual conversation -- is VERY painful. In a better world that wouldn't be a problem because we would just spend silent time together and let our etheric selves connect while our minds were relaxed, but most people would find that exceedingly odd and uncomfortable.

For Thanksgiving, Nim's family came in town, and we had dinner over at zir parents house. Nim's cousin K and zir spouse D were there and I realized all over again that I have a VERY strong spirit-connection with D. I had completely forgotten, but last time ze came to visit I felt it, and this time I felt it again (stronger, because I am more aware/sensitive). I also have a spirit-connection with K, not quite as strong but still there. And it just hurts.

I didn't say much because I was already exhausted from earlier events that day, but listening to conversations I felt these stabs over various things -- gender, anti-(certain kinds of) spirituality, patriarchy -- not ever meant in a bad way, but those are all things that cause me deep pain and it feels so much worse coming from someone whom I feel an etheric unity with. I think if I could get them alone to have conversations about these things, it could be amazingly nourishing for all of us -- but that doesn't seem to be a possibility. They only come up for short times, there is nowhere to be alone at Nim's family's house, and while K might be comfortable having a private conversation with me, I don't think either of them would be comfortable with D and me having a private conversation. And then there is the 'couple' aspect -- it just makes things so much more complicated because I am concerned with how each conversation would affect the other, but I wouldn't feel free talking to them together about such sensitive things. There's also the fact that I'm a little hurt they didn't invite me to their wedding. :-(

It really shook me up to see them again, and afterward I had this achingly sad and beautiful dream (about a person who looked like J. Marsters but with ice blue eyes (wtf? in my dream-metaphors that is usually a sign of evil) that had vertical pupils). I feel like I am missing someone that I know but haven't yet met in this life. Or maybe I'm just missing all the violet spirits I know who are not part of my life... or both.
Tags: dreams, ex-in-laws, pain, spirit connections

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