April 2018
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etheric & mind connections online & in person / D and K are spirit-kin to me

When I connect with someone online, it's initially because of a mind connection; we have similar beliefs or interests. Later I might find that I have an etheric (soul and/or heart and/or spirit) connection. In person it is the exact opposite -- my first impression is whether or not we have an etheric connection, and I learn the person's beliefs later (or often not at all, as most people don't share so easily).

If I have a mind connection with someone and later discover that we don't have an etheric connection, it might be a little bit disappointing but it's not a big deal because we still can connect through shared beliefs/interests/views. However meeting someone I have an etheric connection with and discovering that we have absolutely nothing in common mind-wise -- to the point where we can't really have casual conversation -- is VERY painful. In a better world that wouldn't be a problem because we would just spend silent time together and let our etheric selves connect while our minds were relaxed, but most people would find that exceedingly odd and uncomfortable.

For Thanksgiving, Nim's family came in town, and we had dinner over at zir parents house. Nim's cousin K and zir spouse D were there and I realized all over again that I have a VERY strong spirit-connection with D. I had completely forgotten, but last time ze came to visit I felt it, and this time I felt it again (stronger, because I am more aware/sensitive). I also have a spirit-connection with K, not quite as strong but still there. And it just hurts.

I didn't say much because I was already exhausted from earlier events that day, but listening to conversations I felt these stabs over various things -- gender, anti-(certain kinds of) spirituality, patriarchy -- not ever meant in a bad way, but those are all things that cause me deep pain and it feels so much worse coming from someone whom I feel an etheric unity with. I think if I could get them alone to have conversations about these things, it could be amazingly nourishing for all of us -- but that doesn't seem to be a possibility. They only come up for short times, there is nowhere to be alone at Nim's family's house, and while K might be comfortable having a private conversation with me, I don't think either of them would be comfortable with D and me having a private conversation. And then there is the 'couple' aspect -- it just makes things so much more complicated because I am concerned with how each conversation would affect the other, but I wouldn't feel free talking to them together about such sensitive things. There's also the fact that I'm a little hurt they didn't invite me to their wedding. :-(

It really shook me up to see them again, and afterward I had this achingly sad and beautiful dream (about a person who looked like J. Marsters but with ice blue eyes (wtf? in my dream-metaphors that is usually a sign of evil) that had vertical pupils). I feel like I am missing someone that I know but haven't yet met in this life. Or maybe I'm just missing all the violet spirits I know who are not part of my life... or both.

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tindomerel ══╣╠══
Hmm.. interesting. I wonder where the hurt comes from. For me it often is that the connection itself is enough even if the ideas, opinions & thoughts differ. The energy of connection and love is the most important thing and I embrace the different things as something wonderful we can learn from each other.

But at the same time I can't feel very close to people who are very much like me in thoughts & opinions and ways but the spirit connection isn't there. If the spirit connection isn't there I have a difficult time to keep the friendship alive from my part.
belenen ══╣distance╠══
well, it is something very difficult to explain if one hasn't felt it... the closest thing I can compare it to that you might have experienced is falling utterly, deeply in love with someone who finds everything you say and think completely alien and incomprehensible. Or maybe falling utterly, deeply in love with someone who feels that for you, but is monogamous and married and uncomfortable with intense platonic love. It's feeling the desperate pull to wrap them in your arms and never let go, but knowing that they would find that unpleasant or even immoral. It's a terribly jarring thing.

And a spirit connection is different from just feeling a human connection, it's a lot more intense. With all people (and animals, and plants) I feel a life-connection. That's not what I mean, what I am describing is something really rare and extremely intense -- it's quite possible that many people have never met someone who is spirit-kin to them. With your average human I enjoy differences, and even with close connections I enjoy differences. But when it is a close spirit connection and yet there is utter disharmony in the way we think, act, believe, live -- that is extremely painful.

So what you describe as 'spirit connection' is what I would call a life-connection, simply life reaching out to life. This is more like... specialized magnets. Imagine you are a living magnet -- you may enjoy feeling the life-connection with various beings, but only a magnet of the right polarity will snap together with you and form a unified energy field. Now imagine that you meet a magnet of the right polarity, but they will not turn to face you or come close enough to snap together, and you cannot simply create that 'snap' with anyone you wish. That's where the sense of loss comes in.

eh, all these words don't really come close, but like I said it is nearly impossible to translate into words.
Suza Scalora butterfly
tindomerel ══╣Suza Scalora butterfly╠══
Actually I know what you are talking about and I have experienced it several times so I'm not talking about just life connection but the falling in love kind of deep, soulful connection that makes you know you are truly soulmates with the person. :) But I guess all my life I have been studying how to let go of that part of me who wants to keep it. I've been learning how to stop expecting people to feel the same and be the same. So I've kind of stopped feeling the hurt and concentrate on the energy itself. Concentrate on how I feel and what a blessing it is to me and not expect the person to be what I wish him/her to be. I guess it's about accepting things as they are. At times I do feel pain and longing if I feel my love is restricted but I no longer feel the pain if I feel connected to someone with a spirit bond but the person turns out to have very different views & opinions than I do. So my whole point was to wonder why (or why not) does it actually hurt?
tindomerel ══╣╠══
I mean what I'm trying to say here is that to me the biggest sign of acceptance & love is to let people be the way they are, let them live the life they wish to live (even if there was a soul bond with them) and accept that Love is enough in itself. It does not always require to be fulfilled some way. Sometimes it just is and the only sign of it is the loving acceptance of the truth that there is soulmates, truly amazing, shining people we can't truly touch (I'm not talking only about physical touch) and who we can't have as a part of our lives anywhere else but in the energy itself.

Maybe I'm not even close to how you see these things and it is very possible that you are here to learn a completely different thing about soulmates but this is how it's been in my life.

belenen ══╣pain╠══
Love is enough in itself. It does not always require to be fulfilled some way.

I agree with this. But that doesn't mean that the lack of fulfillment won't hurt. Maybe you misunderstood the point of my post -- it was a bittersweet reflection on the mixture of wonder and deep longing in an experience which cannot be truly reflected in words. It wasn't an angry shaking-the-fist at the universe for not giving me what I want.

My spiritual path has been a process of feeling more and more, both pain and joy. I feel this pain as a sort of promise. It doesn't break me, and I don't resent it. I do take the good from it as well, recognizing how amazing it is just to have the briefest and most clouded of those connections, while still yearning for more. This pain, this yearning, makes me even more determined not to let my opportunities slip from me, more determined to seek out and build on my connections.
belenen ══╣passionate╠══
I've been learning how to stop expecting people to feel the same and be the same.

hm, well that doesn't seem to help me at all. I don't expect people to feel or be the same -- it still hurts to feel a barrier there. It's about feeling what could be versus what is. I accept the fact that humans misuse the planet, for instance, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I accept the fact that I cannot stop people from hurting each other, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I'm finding your questions hurtful. I feel like I'm saying "this hurts me" and you're responding with "well, if you just accept things the way they are then it won't hurt." I don't believe that to be true.
tindomerel ══╣╠══
I'm sorry. i did not mean to hurt you. i just wanted to understand better and that is why i was asking because we all see things from our own points of view and through what we have learned in life and if we never dare to ask it is so easy to misunderstand each other. I did not mean to question the hurt you feel, i wanted to understand the source of it better.
belenen ══╣honesty╠══
I know you didn't mean to hurt me, I just felt I needed to express that because as the conversation went along I felt less and less understood.

You asked "why (or why not) does it actually hurt?" after I explained twice (in post and comment) and I felt that I gave you the answer -- twice -- but you did not see it as the answer. I felt like I had already explained the source of my pain, but you didn't see it as valid because you didn't find that painful, or found a way to not feel the pain of it.

At this point I think it would be best to just say that 'why it hurts' is not something I am able to explain in a way that you are able to resonate with, and leave it at that.
(Anonymous) ══╣╠══
belenen ══╣connate╠══
*hugs you tightly back* thank you so much for understanding... and I am sorry you have had to feel this too. *hugs more*
clown_frog ══╣╠══
You write so clearly about these kind of things, its wonderful.

Seperately, it surprised me how much I related to this, seem to understand exactly what you are meaning. Though its possible I don't and just think I do, I suppose! Anyway, this resonated with me, and it is so sad. And the feeling of missing someone.

I hope the feeling of sadness does not last- or stays in the background while you revel in the connections you do have and will have. I feel for your pain with this, with these people, I hope this doesn't sound like trying to invalidate it
belenen ══╣connate╠══
*hug hug hug* it's so wonderful to get a comment from you!

Well, heh, it's one of those things that is almost impossible to put in words, so there is no way to tell for sure, but it sounds like you do feel what I mean -- a bittersweet understanding, for sure.

thank you for empathizing, lovely Kate ♥
camilleyun ══╣╠══
My connections with people tend to be complicated. Or maybe they just SEEM that way to me. I am trying to simplify.

I have a very difficult time with the word friend because what I seem to have differs so much from how it appears in my mind's eye as to what I think it SHOULD be.

I very much like and appreciate quiet moments together. I don't have nearly enough of them. I think this is why I tend to get overstimulated with people sometimes.

Were you ever given an explanation as to why you were not invited to their wedding?

I read this entry and understand your pain for all that's mentioned.

belenen ══╣gentle╠══
I haven't yet had the guts to ask :-/

*hugs* thanks for understanding. ♥
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.