May 2018
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these feelings won't go away...


Not sure if you'll be able to see this, but this video absolutely breaks my heart. Some of you may remember the Rachel I spoke of here and here... in case you can't see the video, it's of zir dancing. I just sent zir a message saying "...I saw the video of you dancing to Citizen Cope's "Sideways" and it has haunted me ever since. Something about the rawness of your dancing just spoke to me in a way I can't really articulate... It made me cry and filled me with this intense longing. The way you communicate with dance is profoundly beautiful... heart-wrenching. I just had to tell you because I couldn't get it off my mind."

Have you ever met someone and just felt, at the deepest level, that you could understand them through and through? I don't even necessarily think that ze would understand me, but I feel like I would understand zir. It's completely different than any other connection I've felt... I don't even know what to call it. I don't think ze and I are on the same path at all, but still... just like ten years ago, the things that ze says without speaking pierce me to the core. It took quite a lot for me to send that... I wasn't even going to try to contact zir but I just kept being drawn back to that video until I sent a message.

sounds: Citizen Cope -- "Sideways"
connecting: , ,

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Comments
ta/ scarlet's walk through the voilets
acid_burns ══╣ta/ scarlet's walk through the voilets╠══

So absolutely beautiful. ♥
ethereal
belenen ══╣ethereal╠══
oh, good, so you could see the video?

What ze communicated with that dance has awakened a forgotten part of me... *shiver* I just... am haunted.
acid_burns ══╣╠══

Yes, I could see it :)

I absolutely do see why this haunts you. Really quite mesmerizing. And truly very beautiful.
camilleyun ══╣╠══
I understand what you're saying and have felt similarly before.
connate
belenen ══╣connate╠══
*hugs* ♥
tralfamadore ══╣╠══
It feels as though I've shared this with you before, but I'm uncertain. In any event, in preschool my best friend's name was Maurine. The two of us were entirely inseparable, the kind of best friends who seemed off in their own little world and wouldn't let anyone else in. We were to each other what no one else had ever been (and for me what no one else ever would be). Once preschool ended, however, we went our separate ways. I went off to public school and she was homeschooled.

I used to have a MySpace, which I very rarely used, but did occasionally check for messages. One day in my first year of college, I received a message from a girl named Maurine who told me we had been best friends in preschool. To be honest, I didn't even remember that. For so many reasons, all of them based in fear, I chose to ignore the message.

A couple of years later I was attending a different college entirely. I walked into an evening art class, sat down, and felt eyes on me. I found myself staring straight into the gaze of a girl who looked so familiar, and yet I couldn't place her at all. When role was called, she found out my name and I found out hers. She was Maurine! After class ended we just RAN to each other. It was the kind of reconnection that you only ever really see in movies.

I was so afraid that I would have changed too much, that things would never be the same again. But Maurine is to this day my best friend. She means more to me than I could ever possibly express.



Now I don't think it's the same kind of relationship as what you've described here. Maurine and I are, in very many ways, still on the same sort of life path. But at the same time, yes, yes, yes. I felt like even despite all those years, she was someone I could know immediately. Someone whose life and whose art and whose entire essence I understood. There was such a fear there that she wouldn't understand me, but she's been the greatest person I could have ever come to re-learn.
openness
belenen ══╣openness╠══
*nods* you did share it, but this time a little more in-depth, so still good! ;-) and I am sooo happy for you about that ♥
jesuisgringoire ══╣╠══
I definitely know what you mean, though my response to that feeling is generally to block the person out however possible...when it's one sided, for me, I'd rather forget.
progressing
belenen ══╣progressing╠══
mmm, yeah, me too usually! This was quite an unusual thing for me.
clown_frog ══╣╠══
I absolutely love the way she moves. It looks like you could take her in two hands and squish her into a ball, like putty. I want my body to feel like that when I move.

hope you get a positive response :-)
jendaby ══╣╠══
*hugs* I cannot watch the video because my laptop cannot handle them, but I think your message sounds beautiful and I totally know what you mean about feeling that connection with people. There are just some people that I am drawn to.

I admire your courage in sending the message - I tend to get too nervous to reach out to people most of the time, and I am always impressed with people who are able to reach out to those who touch and inspire them.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.