Belenen (belenen) wrote,

cuddle party with Ash, Sharee, Viv / Bel is so the smitten kitten

I feel completely DRUNK right now. (except that I've never been drunk and I doubt it feels this amazing)

I went to a cuddle party tonight with Ash, Sharee, and a new friend, Viv. Viv randomly messaged me on OKCupid five days ago, wanting to meet up -- I invited zir along to the cuddle party so we met tonight. I just completely followed my intuition with it -- it's not usual for me to plan swathes of time with new people without ever having had a real conversation. I am so glad I did, because...

I am SMITTEN. I am like, giggling-constantly and grinning-uncontrollably smitten. Besotted! Enchanted! Giddy, giddy, giddy! I'm sure at least some of that is due to the AMAZING experience of the cuddle party, but I think most of it is due to Viv ♥ Oh my God/dess... Ze's just ohmygodohmygodohmygod soooooooooooooooo beautiful. And we didn't actually get to talk much but in the car on the way back we cuddled more (awwwww *squinchyhappyface*) and talked some with Ash & Sharee about polyamory and about the classism of the organizer (!!!!!!!!!!! not happy about the classism, but about Viv totally understanding wtf I was talking about!!!). And we talked about gender vs sex, which was so great because I was worried we'd clash on that but we totally agree, and, and, AND ze's a self-identified feminist! And we have a really strong connection, though I'm not sure what kind exactly -- but I felt it instantly on meeting zir, and it reminds me so much of meeting Hannah for the first time (if we hadn't already gotten to know each other, of course).

But of course, it's not so easy -- in about a month ze's going away for 6 months :-( Dammit universe, WHY do you tease me? [ETA: ze's not going away after all!] But though I had a minor meltdown alone in the car while everyone else had dinner because I was so open from the cuddle party and was feeling everything REALLY deeply, I'm feeling okay about that now. After all, I don't know where I'll be in 3 months! And it's complicated because ze's going through a really tumultuous time personally, so I really have no idea what this will become, but I know I want Viv in my life, close, from now on.

and *delightedgiggle* at the end of the night, when we stopped at zir flat to drop zir off, ze leaned over and whispered in my ear and asked if ze could kiss me! I stammered a little bit (because kissing is one of those things that my partner and I have to talk about first) and ze said, "maybe later?" and I beamed and said yes very happily. OH MY GOD. I dunno if I mentioned this but asking-before-kissing was one of those things that I long ago decided was something I wanted in a lover, and my partner asked before kissing me the first time (to which I also said "not yet," also in the back of a car)! I find that coincidence just SO charming. And also I was so glad ze asked (as opposed to saying nothing) because until then I was like, "aghhhh, I'm so insanely crazy about zir and what if ze just likes me as a friend?" But that was not a friend kind of question XD

I told my partner all about Viv and ze's happy for me :D Ze kept grinning at my random happiness giggles. :D
Tags: spirit connections, viv

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