Belenen (belenen) wrote,
Belenen
belenen

in love / some things I can only sense in person!

I'm so crazy in love. I know, how ridiculous! I just met zir! How can I be in love? But... I so am. I thought it might wear off a little with the after-cuddle-party glow, but no, I'm still blushing and giggling and melting into a fucking puddle (which I have NEVER done before) every time I think about Viv. Holy shit, you guys. I'm so fucking head-over-heels. But I'm trying to restrain myself from writing gushing declarations of love (TO zir, at least), because I don't know zir well enough yet and that scares some people so I'll refrain (please don't mention Viv on public posts!). But... I'm seeing zir tonight *bursts into happy giggles* OH MY GOD/DESS. Calm down, self! I get absolutely breathless thinking about holding zir hand or hugging zir. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Holy shit. I've never believed in love at first sight but... I think I believe in love at first hug. And OH MY GOD/DESS I WANT TO KISS ZIR SO MUCH. Which I now am free to do :D *piles of happy giggles* This reminds me -- near the end of the cuddle party, I was laying next to Viv, not even touching right then, and I giggled with sheer glee. Viv asked, "what?" and I replied, "oh, sometimes I just laugh when I'm happy," and ze grinned at me. OMFG if you people could see me, you would surely think I'm high -- I'm giggling and covering my face and grinning and going all squinchy-happy just writing this. Annnnnnnd I'm trying to avoid the thought that ze might not feel as intensely... though really, as long as ze cares about me I don't even care. Damn, that's new. I'm so happy I'm actually okay with the idea of being "the one who loves more." *soft beaming* Oh! another thing! On the ride home I sat in the backseat, and ze seemed surprised and happy about it... a little bit later ze said, "I'm still in such a cuddly mood" and so I reached for zir hand. Ze took it and smiled at me and said that ze was just about to ask :D We cuddled all the way back. :D :D :D

I'm in love with zir presence, zir hands, zir smile, zir voice, zir laugh. Oh, incredible, unfathomable loveliness.

And let this be a lesson unto me -- I cannot at ALLLLLL tell from internet presence if I will not feel a connection in person. I can tell sometimes when I will, but I cannot at all predict if I will not. When I was friends with Aurilion online, I wasn't drawn to zir at all because ze didn't share much online -- but over the phone I could feel it somewhat, and I felt it instantly upon meeting zir. I wasn't drawn at all to Viv's online presence either (I'm intellectually drawn to people who know themselves really well and share copiously), but OH MY GOD/DESS in person. Which is why I lament that I haven't met all of you in person because I've no idea if it would open up a whole new realm of closeness!

And thank you, universe, for breaking me up with Aurilion and giving me the sense not to pursue the sexist person that I was drawn to for zir spirit, because those two things are the reason I was in an actively-seeking place and invited Viv along. ;-) I'm so insanely happy right now and I don't care if it doesn't last, it is beautiful enough as a moment ♥

ETA: I've practically been holding my breath for the past 12 hours since I sent zir a message *rolls eyes at self* ze finally responded so now maybe I can go to sleep. OMG I'm so fucking insane :-p
Tags: spirit connections, viv
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