and I get really confused by things like tonight (after I told zir how Aurilion called me up and we talked and decided to be friends) when ze told me that ze met up with zir ex 17 days ago (the day before we met), right before the ex left for Italy for 8 weeks, and added, "I just thought I should tell you." What does that mean? does it mean I should realize that ze's just killing time until the ex comes back? or that ze's mentioning for openness sake because ze considers us sort of... semi-together? argh. I know ze's still somewhat hung up on zir ex (who is monogamous...) but I'm not sure how much. Ze was wearing a ring associated with the ex but has now stopped wearing it.
I'm trying so hard to just be okay with not knowing... but I don't know if I can be. I might need to talk with zir more about zir feelings/reasons, but I don't want to because I'm afraid of the answers and because I don't want to realize all over again just how much this breaks my heart.
Fuck, it kinda just hit me how much this hurts. I really need someone to hold me and let me cry over this :-( I'm sitting here crying so hard I can't see the screen.
FUCK, I WANT MY HEART BACK. Fucking piece of shit, stop running off!
