For me to have sex with a person, I need:
love (on my part) and mutual respectLove comes easily for me (loving a stranger does not take much effort), and I'd need to feel love to feel desire, but I don't need to feel loved. I do need to feel respected and to feel respect for someone in order to want to share myself with them sexually. But this is something I'd be willing to go with my emotions on -- if I felt mutual respect, I would not feel it necessary to learn how deep that respect went.mutual desireObviously I'd need to desire them, but I would also need to feel that they desired ME (not just sex with whomever). And I need mutual desire in every encounter -- I would not have sex just because the other person wanted it, nor would I be okay with zir having sex with me just because I wanted it.willingness to respect my boundaries in sexKinda obvious but none the less -- being willing to pay close attention to my yes/no and to avoid objectification, pain, humiliation, force, or any sort of commanding/coercive language.
For me to have a romantic/sexual relationship with a person, I also need for the person to:
be seeking to grow, learn, and createlook for opportunities to grow and mature, especially with regards to increasing compassion and unlearning prejudice. Actively create a more positive self and world, and be curious about everything (and people in particular). And be creative in some way or another (including work as an art form).be equalist and respectful of all beings/thingsbe respectful of me, of zirself, and of all humankind (a person doesn't have to be perfectly equalist, but has to work on shunning/dismantling ranking systems like sexism, racism, heterosexism, lookism, elitism, etc.). Be respectful of all life and refrain from causing unnecessary destruction.be open/honest/expressiveshare zir thoughts/feelings/motives voluntarily and truthfully, with a goal of becoming ever more authentic and transparent. Desire to be known fully.be loving, affectionate, interested in me, and able to give emotionallybe willing & able to put time & effort into the relationship: touching, listening, supporting, encouraging, asking questions. Desire to learn more about me.feel and believe in mutual connection