April 2018
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transitioning daydreams

I want to go on testosterone long enough for my voice to deepen and my facial hair to grow, then get my upper lip and cheeks electrolysis-ed so that I only have a goatee. ('cause I was totally meant to have a Pharaoh beard. also mustaches are either scratchy or hide the upper lip, no thank you!) And I would not at all mind an enlarged clit or faster muscle-building. The idea that some people would find me unattractive then both scares and thrills me. But seriously? that would be enough of a change for me. (maybe then people would stop calling me "miss"! Seriously, "Miss James"? hellooooo you're missing the point. That would be just James or perhaps Mx. James) Right now it's just sort of a daydream but maybe in the future it will be a plan.

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delicatexflower ══╣hope."i'm only this far & only tomorrow"╠══

all ideas come from a dream deep down inside. you have a plan, a goal, it may take a while for you to achieve your goal, but damnit, i know you will achieve it wonderfully! xoxo
Candy Apples
jendaby ══╣Candy Apples╠══
**hugs** I love the way that you are so grounded in knowing your true self and so open to experiencing the world from different perspectives. You are one very awesome person.
queerbychoice ══╣╠══
Have you paid any attention to the studies showing all the major health problems caused when women took female hormones to alleviate the symptoms of menopause? Taking male hormones carries similar health risks. Messing with your body's natural hormone levels can seriously increase your risks of heart disease and many kinds of cancer. It's really, really, really not something to do lightly or as a fashion statement. If you want a pharaoh beard, why not do it the authentic historical way that the female pharaohs did it: by wearing a fake one?
belenen ══╣genderfree╠══
I know it's not something to do lightly -- I'm vaguely aware of the health risks. If it were to become a plan I'd be doing a hell of a lot of research first and making sure the risks were worth it. That's why I called this a daydream, 'cause it's not a declaration of intent, just a musing of interest.
belenen ══╣passionate╠══
and I don't do anything regarding the changing of my body as a 'fashion statement' -- I found that phrasing a bit upsetting.
queerbychoice ══╣╠══
I perceived it that way because of your detailed emphasis on the physical appearance of the results, including the Pharaoh's beard style. It struck me as a cause for concern.
belenen ══╣garrulous╠══
well, yeah. I almost included a disclaimer that of course I wouldn't be making such a massive decision without learning more and thinking on it more and all that. I get why you'd be concerned if it seemed to you that I was going to do something with so many repercussions just for the sake of a look.
samwhise ══╣╠══
It really sounds like you're underestimating the extent to which a dramatic change in hormonal makeup like that can affect you - not just your body, but your emotions and expression and even senses. It's not at all limited to the physical stuff you describe, and some of the physical effects (enlarged clit, increased muscle development) only last for as long as you're taking the hormones, which it doesn't sound like you'd be interested in doing long-term.

I think a lot of the potential health risks of HRT are often overstated, but physical transition - no matter how much it gets framed in terms of body modification, etc. - is a big fucking deal both socially and medically, and it's impossible to predict how it will look for any individual person. Some of the stuff you're talking about takes years.

I get that this is just a thinking-aloud kind of post, but it's really important not to downplay how many different things about your body and self hormones affect, and I've gotten the sense from reading your posts that there are a lot of things about testosterone therapy that you would probably be really unhappy with.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.