So, the person I dreamed about and then confessed my crush on is Anita *giggles* I don't have any really good photos of zir yet (because I've only taken them at night :-p) but this one is my current favorite (friends-locked for zir semi-anonymity). Ohmygod so damn cute! And I get to kiss that mouth ;-)
I have it really bad, y'all. OH GOD. I'd been crushing on zir pretty much since I met zir (last May I think) but a lot more after zir birthday party in August when we danced together (HOTTT). But first my life was crazy and when it finally settled, ze was wayyy too busy. And plus I was too shy because I had no idea if ze liked me back and because the connection I feel with zir feels very important and massively life-changing to explore and I have a bizarre tendency to put off anything which seems "too amazing."
So anyway! Ze wrote me back and said that ze had had a crush on me toooo (!!!) and then we set a date for Sunday and I was pretty much dying of impatience. Luckily Ash threw an impromptu Beltaine party Friday night and invited Anita and even though ze was exhausted ze joined us :D I was so awkwardddd and probably blushy and definitely giggly and also prancy. When we went outside to have fire & food, I sat on one of the benches and ze came up and stood behind me and that overlap of spirits almost made me swoooooooon and later we sat together and cuddled and WOW I love the way ze touches (and my dream was SPOT ON with the little happy sounds ze makes :D) anddddd then when ze went to leave I walked zir to zir car and we kissed... ohmygod my dream did NOT do justice to zir kisses, not even a little. mmmmmmmmm I lovelovelove the way ze kisses!! And in one of the pauses for giggles (because ze giggles as much as I do and over the same things!) ze said that ze doesn't usually get "girly" crushes and when I declared that I have no idea what that means, ze described it and unfortunately I cannot remember at all what ze said but it sounded like the way I felt so that made me happyyyyy!!! hee!
Sadly ze got sick and found out it's strep throat so there were no REAL kisses on Sunday, just a brief good-bye kiss at the end of the evening. But ze wanted to spend time with me even though ze wasn't feeling good so I went over to zir place and we watched Avatar and we cuddled. I cried my eyes out again of course and ze put zir hand on my heart which was just so incredibly sweet (and comforting) and made me glow because that's such a connection thing for me. Then we talked about the people who are important in our lives and other things...
I'm kinda in shock. I just wrote about Anita two weeks ago (in the post about 'doomed attractions')... ze was "the one I've tried not to think about for a long time but now keep on thinking about" and "the one whom I'm a little in love with." But that 'little' is unfolding like one of those 'just add water' towels, hee. And every time I think about zir I get GIDDY. and ze makes my heart beat faster. and I love zir energy and zir giggles and zir eyes and I'm so excited that I can stare now, haha. And that I can be open to zir energy (because I couldn't before when I was trying not to fall ;-)). Happy!