March 2019
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stress. and stress. and more stress.

I'm having a hard time calming down today -- Sylvia (my car) is not starting at all, so ze's going to need to be towed to the mechanic which is pretty far, thus pricey even before they figure out what's wrong and I have ZERO money so I'll have to ask my parents for help AGAIN and this is the third time something's happened, ugh. Also there's some mutual frustration between Ash and I which I don't think is really resolvable while we're still in this situation -- I don't think either of us has enough trust right now to try and work it out. And S has declared that I'm a two-faced bitch based on me saying something hurtful and incredibly stupid which I did not mean (and cannot remember how/why I'd even say it). There's no way of proving that that one comment was a misstatement instead of -- as it seems to S -- an expression of truer feelings that I usually hide, so there's no way I can see to mend that. I do understand why ze feels that way but I wish there was some way I could prove what my real feelings/thoughts are. I also wish I had spent more time with S so that ze might have more reason to trust me, but there's nothing I can do about that now. So.

At this point I really want a break from worrying about money. Honestly, if it weren't for needing to stay here for the sake of Hope-paid tuition and REALLY wanting to go back to school in the fall, I'd be happy to go stay with my parents just because not worrying about necessities would be such a relief.

I did have an interview for a job earlier today but they're only offering part-time (could be as little as 12 hours a week) at minimum wage :-/ I'm hoping that my interview tomorrow will be for FULL time and (dare I hope) a more decent rate of pay. Because I'm worth at least two mediocre employees and I ought to get paid that way, dammit. But as long as it's full time I can live on it so please universe, may I have full-time?

Also my stovetop espresso maker died. *cries*

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aerialmelodies ══╣Supportive╠══
Tons of hugs!!! Sorry that you're in some crappy situations right now... *hug*
bones - leaning in
moonvoice ══╣bones - leaning in╠══
Oh that does sound like a lot of stress! *hugs* I hate car troubles, it's just that extra financial stress and 'thing' that piles on the 'aaaaargh' feelings.

I hope whatever is wrong with your car is a simple electrical thing that can be fixed easily and cheaply. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. *hugs*
painted_dreams ══╣╠══
*hug* I'm so sorry to hear about all of this... I'm sending you positive and loving energy your way.
dr who -- eleven/amy | gotcha
radiantbaby ══╣dr who -- eleven/amy | gotcha╠══
divinemiss_em ══╣╠══
I'm so, so sorry. Money worries are the worst kind of worry. Given my personal relationship to money (I depend on it for survival in the city, but I think it is an illusion to keep us domesticated and in fear), it is illogical to get so stressed out about it. But I do anyway :( One thing that does help me when I start freaking out about my lack of money, I try to focus a little on the present, asking myself if it is affecting my ability to be happy in this moment.

I trust that it will all work out for you and that the universe will provide :)
acid_burns ══╣╠══
Hold me
jenniology ══╣Hold me╠══
*adds more hugs*
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.