Belenen (belenen) wrote,

starting school again / passionate discussions w Kyle / living with Serendipity / meeting Kay!

I'm sorry I've been so absent from LJ lately -- my life's just so crazy busy! I've started school (this is my third week) which has been one problem after another with financial aid and scheduling and transcript fixing, but seems to almost be settled now. I really love the intro-to-sociology professor and science 1102 professors I got, as they both passionately care about their subjects and teach creatively. I'm terrified of my developmental psychology professor because ze has created a billion hoops to jump through just to pass, and seems more invested in molding professionals than in imparting knowledge. I like my philosophy professor but I find it hard to learn from zir teaching style -- ze's not very organized in the way ze lectures. It's interesting to be getting back into school, this time with actual studying skills and motivation to learn for itself and not for grades.

I've also been very caught up in my relationship with Kyle. It's really complex -- we have such strong similarities and such an intense connection and we're both very pro-conflict so we have passionate (often painful) emotional discussions constantly (I'd call them fights but I associate that word with trying to 'win' or to hurt the other, and we don't have that in our conflicts). It's a lot like when Hannah and I are in-person -- when things are positive they're ecstatic, and when they're negative they're agonizing, and it can go back and forth several times in one day. But while I think that's partly simply an element of our type of connection, I think it's been more intense over the past few weeks because we were laying the foundation of how we will communicate, and establishing the bare bones of trust, and I think that bit has mostly been accomplished so I think it will decrease in frequency now (though I'm confident that it won't stop and that pleases me).

And then there's Serendipity! I'm living with (and working for) Anita & Chip & Christa & Kim & their kids now, and that's been an adventure too. I moved in six weeks ago, I think? and I just unpacked "for real" this week. I'm not quite finished (the walls are naked and there are no fairy lights up) but my room looks mine now and I feel home. (I still feel the need to live with my little sister at some point but this feels like exactly the right place for me right now) Kanika seemed instantly comfortable with it (it has such a lovely energy) though ze has yet to get along with any of the other creatures. I've been going 3-4 times a week with Anita and Christa (and occasionally Kyle) to work on painting and fixing up their old house so they can rent it out, and I love that too. I enjoy projects that feel like genuine collective effort, and being able to contribute to the household is really important to me.

So much has been happening I don't really know how to even sketch it. frecklestars came to town for a conference and I got to spend a day with zir, which was really beautiful and amazing. We'd been friends for like three years online and I was sooo nervous about meeting zir but it was just easy and sweet and I adore zir so much! I feel sure that if Kay lived close ze'd become one of my lifesharers (need to write about that term and what it means to me). We're both very busy though, so I don't think it'd work very well to interweave our lives more right now, but after this visit I feel sure that we're going to become closer in the future. Ze also seemed to really enjoy everyone at Serendipity (and vice versa) and got along famously with Kyle (I see them as having a very strong soul connection) so I am hoping ze'll come visit again as soon as ze can ;-)

I wish I had more time to communicate online but I think my LJing is going to be sporadic for a while, dunno how long. If you need to pare down your list to people who communicate pretty regularly, I understand if you cut me and I won't be upset. I'll just unfriend back and then if/when I start posting more regularly I'll add you again and you can decide if you want to start up again at that point.
Tags: connections, kay, kylei, other-directed education, serendipity

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