Belenen (belenen) wrote,

talking with ex-partner / contact with Maggie / family / Pride & feminist queer community / in flux

So much has happened recently, agh, I keep wanting to write and being either blocked or too busy. I'm blocked right now, thus this is rambling.

So my ex-partner contacted me maybe two weeks ago? and we had a long talk, mostly ze filling me in on zir life. Ze and Maggie broke up and ze (my ex) is focusing on developing as a person, trying to figure out who ze is and what ze wants. It's a mark of my growth and healing that I experienced only the happiness I would for any acquaintance on hearing that, instead of feeling "ohmygod finally! Imustmakesurethissticks" etc. If ze does stay focused on it and achieve it, I'll be very happy for zir, but if not I'm not going to be affected.

Then maybe a week later Maggie friended me on LJ and I messaged zir asking if that was just curiosity or an overture of friendship, and she said sorta both, so we're now connected via facebook and LJ and we'll see how that goes. It seems very awkward to be sorta-kinda friends with my ex and my ex's ex, and I'm a little nervous about it, but I was really drawn to Maggie when we first met -- it just feels like we have the potential to be amazing friends. And ze writes so beautifully clear-expressive-emotive-blunt, and that always makes me feel fond of a person. And having been in the position of not being able to find community with such an expressive, connection-focused personality, I want to see if I can help zir find that. I think surely in one of the circles I skip 'round, ze'd fit well.

School is going decently and I'm not too freaked out about it anymore. My car desperately needs to get in the shop (ze's guzzling a quart of oil for every two gallons of gas :-<). Home is lovely... I haven't been spending as much time there but when I get to spend time with my people it makes me very happy. Last weekend Arizona and I took R (the oldest kid) to Pagan Pride festival and it reminded me so much of spending time with my lil sis when ze was younger <3 I love this family so much. G (the five year old) talks to me now of zir own volition (which means I'm officially Cool). And P is so full of questions about everything! Ze knows that being queer is pretty important to me and so ze brings it up with questions whenever ze can think of them ;-)

Speaking of which, I went to my first Pride the other day and was very disappointed. I think I might have felt differently if I'd gone on Saturday to the Trans March and the Dyke March, but I just went to the festival and saw only one booth that seemed even genderqueer-friendly. Arizona (the same person I started dating in May, going by a different name online) and I agreed that probably it's much more fun if you go with a bunch of queer friends, but it's not a place to discover community (which I was subconsciously hoping for). BUT. Two weeks ago Arizona and I went to a Feminist Outlawz Queer Pride dance party which was OMFGGGG amazing, art and feminism and queerness and genderfucking <3 And it reminded me that I need to make more of an effort to get down to Atlanta because the community I'm looking for does exist! That was a big deal for me because I went without having someone as my tie-in, you know, the person who is already connected to the community and acts as a bridge? and yet no one kicked me out, heh, and now I feel much more confident about joining in on things that before I felt I needed someone to bridge me in on.

My romantic relationships are all in pretty major flux at the moment... I don't have the time to write about them right now but I think that I'm weaving threads that are going to last a very, very long time in my life pattern.
Tags: arizona, b - ex-partner, maggie, queerness, serendipity

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