ohmigod, I'm crushing SO HARD. I randomly catch myself saying "Abby!" just out of nowhere, in a happy little voice, and then I laugh at myself (and check to see if anyone's around). aghhhhhh ze's so cute and gorgeous and charming that I can't stand it! Monday when ze was over here and I was painting on zir back ze talked about how it was calming and exciting at the same time, and how ze liked it because of the intimacy of it -- and it made me happy not just because it communicated desire but because ze's comfortable saying "I like this because [verbal exploration of the sensation and emotion]." We've been doing a lot of talking about communicating, discussing how much we like and the way we like it, and we have very similar desires there -- asking for what you want, communicating how you feel, saying what you think. And it feels really frank and easy. I feel much less like i have to hold back my interest than usual (I wish it would all go away but I've been hearing myself say "I love you" and am still too worried about it being taboo to verbalize it, so I'm definitely not totally free). And ze's so comfortable emotionally investing in me. I think that's the most surprising bit.
On our date Wednesday we cuddled and watched movies ("Kiss Me Again" and the first half of "Foxfire") and I played with zir hair and ze would sometimes totally zone into it and close zir eyes. And when I stroked zir neck and shoulder ze radiated such enjoyment I thought ze was going to purr. And ze oh-so-shyly would touch me on the knee or the back, which felt wonderful and charmed me with its delicacy. And about halfway through the second movie we paused for me to rinse my hair (ze dyed it for me) and when I came back ze said that ze should get to bed soon so I started gathering my things and putting my shoes on, and we were talking -- I can't remember what, but ze was sitting on a chair and I knelt beside zir and we kissed. and kissed. and then I asked about biting and we talked about that some and then we kissed more with a little biting but I was matching zir kissing style which was soft and mostly-lips because I didn't think about it but next time I'm going to kiss zir fiercely -- I feel sure ze would enjoy that thinking on the things ze's said but I might ask first anyway because I'm not sure enough of accurately reading zir signals. ohmigod. and we hugged, and I kissed zir shoulder, and zir neck, and then we kissed more and hugged more and ze kissed my neck and then I pulled away to leave in a supreme effort of willpower. Ze had said earlier that ze felt conflicted because ze never wanted me to leave, but ze had work in the morning and knew if I stayed ze wouldn't sleep, one way or the other. *giggles* Before ze said that I had thought I might want to sleep over, but when ze said it I realized it was true, there would be no sleeping even though I was so tired. Aaaannnd sure enough I stayed up until 8am afterward, so HYPED UP. and on the ride home I giggled with sheer joy and turned my music up loud and sang along at the top of my lungs. ohmigodAbby!
We also talked about sex -- not a lot actually, but I remember saying something about me being super sensitive and zir saying, "hmm" and me DYING to know what ze was thinking but not asking because I felt too worried that ze'd be thinking that it sounds like a lot of work (which it is :-p) or that I sound "too vanilla." And the moment passed before the worry did, bah!
and! at one point during the kissing ze looked shy, and I said ohmygodyou'resocute! and nuzzled zir and giggled a lot and ze got more blushy and said "sorry" and I laughed more and asked, "are you apologizing for being cute?" and ze said "no!" in that kid-who-"didn't"-steal-the-cookie tone and then said "mm... I guess I am" and it was so cute I almost died.