April 2018
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talking about the dead / what I want to happen upon MY death! :D


I don't think it's any different to talk about the dead than the living. I'd love if people told the truth all the time, especially at funerals. It annoys me to see people paint dead folk as other than they were. I think people "don't speak ill of the dead" because they don't want ill spoken of THEM when THEY kick it. I don't mind if people complain about me after I'm dead, as long as the whole story is told. In fact, my ideal wake would be people telling stories of whatever felt most emotionally relevant -- stories of annoyances and joys and surprises and fights and love and laughter and anger and thought and wonderings. I want my "enemies" invited to come complain about me at my funeral -- and hey, if a fight breaks out that'd be AWESOME. Great emotion-releasing closure. Speaking of which...

What I Want To Happen Upon My Death: (if any of this is too expensive for whomever's taking care of this, you can change anything except don't you dare embalm me and put me in a coffin, or give me a stuffy hierarchical funeral where only certain people can speak. I want everyone who feels strongly to speak, and I want it to be chaotic.)

What to do for ceremony: before I'm planted, I want a gathering of people who knew me and had strong feelings about me (whatever kind those might be) to get together (potluck!) and drink espresso & coffee and tell stories about me. Ohh, and photos -- I want all my photos to be on a computer and people told to bring flash drives if they want some of my photos so that they can save whatever they want (hm, maybe I'll set up a set of my favorites of my shots for this purpose). If possible, I want my journal uploaded (comments included) to a self-publishing site for people to buy if they want a copy (unless I have money when I die, then I want my money to be used to print copies for whomever wants one, and to pay airfare for anyone who wants to come but can't afford it (in that order of importance)). I want the night to end in people dancing and drinking rum and making out (and fucking if they so desire) while my five-star favorite songs are playing. I don't want people to get inebriated-beyond-the-ability-to-self-caretake but if it happens, oh well. I want my ashes to be present for this awesome party.

What to do with my body: I want to be cremated, mixed with cinnamon and compost (preferably compost raised by someone who cares about me, but store-bought will do if no one has any), and planted under an 5-foot triangle of saplings -- black willow, myrrh, and yellow poplar (the myrrh needs to be older than the others since it grows much slower). I want this to happen on a small bit of land that isn't likely to be murdered for highway/sidewalk/buildings/etc, and I want the people who love me to buy it together. If my circle of friends is not poor at that point, I also want people to buy their favorite plant and plant it on that little plot of land, and while I'm daydreaming I'd like them to plant something of themselves in the process (a lock of hair or even spit). If anyone has a spiritual/religious ritual they want to do that doesn't interfere with those plans, I want them to do it (and I'd be happy if there was more than one).

What to do with my stuff: let my lifesharers (currently lil sis, Kyle, and shioneh, but hopefully more by then) take what they want, then my hearttribe, then whomever else. If there are things from my altar that no one wants, I want them left on the ground in the center of the three trees. If I have money (which I don't expect) then I want it to be parceled out evenly among my favorite non-profits and my lifesharers. If I have pets, let them go to whomever is most bonded with them.


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Comments
wakingdreaming ══╣╠══
I think this is WONDERFUL! More people ought to put thought into this kind of thing.

Ever since Hunter S. Thompson killed himself, with instructions that he be cremated and his ashes incorporated into fireworks to be set off on his property, I've wanted to do the same thing.

Of course, there's a part of me that wants to have my corpse stuffed with candy and used as a pinata by all the local children, but something tells me no one will agree to that scenario. *evil grin*

There is a movie you might like, called Get Low, about a hermit-sort-of-guy (in Tennessee or Kentucky, I think) who decided he'd like to have his funeral BEFORE he dies, so that he can hear what everyone really thinks of him. Robert Duvall plays the hermit and Bill Murray is the funeral director. It's an excellent movie.
kiwi ══╣╠══
There is a movie you might like, called Get Low, about a hermit-sort-of-guy (in Tennessee or Kentucky, I think) who decided he'd like to have his funeral BEFORE he dies, so that he can hear what everyone really thinks of him. Robert Duvall plays the hermit and Bill Murray is the funeral director. It's an excellent movie.

Thanks for mentioning this movie - I'd been looking for it for awhile and then "forgot" about it because of other things getting in my way. A very dear friend of mine hosted his own funeral prior to his death because he was inspired by this movie and I promised him before he died that I'd watch it and think of him. This made me all at once smile because the memories of his pre-funeral funeral were hilarious and rowdy...and it made me miss him. I've been wrapped up in life and it's good to have a shot of perspective to remind me...

Bel, I want you to know that should I outlive you, I will donate money to your friends for the plot of land and a bottle of rum to the celebration.
Pan
ladywind ══╣Pan╠══
THIS. (Well. This's second cousin, but they resemble. Want to contemplate & codify my own, too, now.)
Beautiful plan you have, O BelJames. :)
Blue skies
jenniology ══╣Blue skies╠══
I love this.
irenes ══╣╠══
Heh. I was just discussing these very things with Sam.
sidheblessed ══╣╠══
I love your ideas, they're very personal and allow for you to be celebrated and for your loved ones to do what they need to to grieve for you.
on communication, social justice, intimacy, consent, friendship & other relationships, spirituality, gender, queerness, & dreams. Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.
Expect to find curse words, nudity, (occasionally explicit) talk of sex, and angry ranting, but NEVER slurs or sexually violent language. I use TW when I am aware of the need and on request.