Belenen (belenen) wrote,

important events in 2011 / becoming an effective catalyst for the change I want to see in the world

2011 was a whirlwind of growth and renewal; looking back, I cannot believe how much I've changed and how much my life has changed. I feel like I wouldn't even recognize my year-ago self. And yet so much has changed since the turn of the year... exponential change. I'm so much more fierce, nourished, confident, and aware than last year. I've created the sources for art, creativity, and intimacy that I want; I've found avenues for developing change; I've started stripping away the fear that blocked me from being a catalyst for equality.

In 2011 I gained a much deeper understanding of oppression, both historically and in its current manifestations; Kyle and I went through so many shifts, deepening our relationship and creating positive ways of managing conflict; Kyle became a feminist/equalist; I met lots of important new people; Kyle and I started doing energy work regularly on ourselves and each other; I was in continuous growth and needed rest which I didn't know how to take, so throughout the year I had several depressions and learned how to notice when I needed rest; I started hosting crafty parties! and now have a source of amazing creation in my life ♥; I met the Angel Oak, participated in a TreeSpirit shoot, and had so many incredible magical experiences with Kyle in Charleston; I realized my intersexedness in a profound way and began living it, though not sharing the details of meaning with folk (and it's still too scary to write about though I hope that will change soon); I experienced my first burn, Euphoria, and loved it -- then experienced my second, Alchemy, and did not like it; Aurilion and I had several bursts of intense connection; I fell in love with Abby and we started dating, quickly moving into a time-committed relationship; Arizona and I started dating again; Kyle and Adi started dating; I became part of the formation of a queer group on campus; I sortakinda dated Eanox for a short time; I had my first successful anti-oppression experience and felt thrilled with the possibilities of further action; I went to Transcending Boundaries with Kyle; I started forming tribe (a truly interconnected group of people all of whom were building connection with each other).


-- lots of time with Heather & Steve
-- Kanika stays at Serendipity with Arizona (until May)
9 -- fairylights photoshoot -- I take photos of Pocket the Moon, thing, V, and Chuck, then dance and cuddle and kiss with a thing
10-13 -- snowpocalypse! school is cancelled, the roads are iced, everything is closed.
-- start taking Race & Ethnicity with Dr. Benjamin (life-changing class)
-- first and only dates w folk who expressed interest in me but didn't turn out to be compatible
-- lots of hangouts w Hannah & Nadia
-- Sylvia breaks down, stress!


-- Kyle and I date Chris & Tara
-- Kyle and I start having real discussions about feminism, racism, etc.
6 -- best birthday so far! Kyle, Heather, Steve, Hannah, Sara, V, Chuck, Harlan, Leah, and Cheryl go to Cafe Istanbul with me
14 -- Anti-Valentine's day party, meet Aimi, Kat Mart, Cortez, introduce Kyle to the atlanta queers.
17 -- breakdown, feeling reflected negative energy from someone Kyle goes on a first date with (D)
18 -- Kyle communicates with D about D not respecting zir boundaries, D pushes more, very upsetting for both of us (for me it's mostly spiritually horrible and makes me fear that if Kyle can't block that out I would have to block Kyle out for self-protection)
19 -- Kyle and I give each other energy cleanses for the first time <3
-- I'm feeling a lack of nourishment from Kyle's avoidance of PDA and our lack of intimate focus
27 -- I move in with Kyle, in Mark's old room


4-13 -- Kyle visits zir parents in WA, we have amazing phone conversations that deepen our relationship
5 -- my last date with Chris, realize we're not very compatible
6 -- hang out w Harlan, have deep conversations
6-8 -- lots of talking and reconnecting with Aurilion
7 -- hang out w Cheryl, we attend Radical Faeries discussion and then go for coffee.
9 -- my relationship styling shifts again: polyamory without defined roles
13 -- amazing day of exploring Atlanta with Kyle, taking portraits of zir playing violin, going to the playground to have sacred conversations about magic and story. Kyle finds zir truename
14 -- sex ritual with Kyle
15 -- hang out one-on-one with Aimi, we discuss sex and gender and feminism and I'm half in-love; I'd never met anyone who felt that similarly to me about gender and cared about it in an intersectional way.
-- Kyle starts dating Abby W
-- Kyle stops dating Tara
18 -- see a documentary about Bayard Rustin (out queer black Quaker! radical outspoken uncompromising fierce person), am INCREDIBLY inspired, realize that I can be weird and socially disapprovable and still find a way to be heard and make lots of important change in the world. "We are not here to avoid conflict. We are here to make conflict creative."
19 -- day with Kyle, thing and I; deeper connection
20 -- Spring Equinox party (precursor to crafty parties -- we tie dyed as a group project)
-- I share about the fierce sex Kyle and I have
29 -- hang w Aimi, Harlan, Gillian, (some of the atlanta queers) and Kyle at Brick Store Pub
-- Kyle and I begin using lots of energy play in our sex and intimate connection


2 -- short visit w Aimi, drum circle w Kyle for the first time
-- craving female lover
10 -- Kyle and I hang out w Cheryl, I take photos while they play ukelele and violin, then we talk for a long time
15 -- I meet Abby W, we have dinner at Chipotle w Kyle
15-17 -- roadtrip to Athens w Locke & thing to see Beats Antique! we stay with Ariana, hang out w Heather & Will. The concert is intense and the company is meaningful and growthful.
-- occasionally visiting Brian for talking & sex (once in April, once in May, once in June)
-- depression and inability to cope (very connected with becoming more aware of oppression but not feeling any community for resistance)
23 -- day at Frolicon, my first masturbation party was fun but the rest was dull.
-- I write about some of my sexperiences with Kyle


5 -- dinner at El Rey Del Taco with Kyle, Cheryl, Kat Mart; then hangouts at Cheryl's with ice cream and silly show
8 -- the first Crafty Party!
11 -- start playing Changeling w Kyle, Ben R, V, and Chuck
13-16 -- road trip w Kyle to TreeSpirit shoot in Charleston! meet the Angel Oak & Jack & Jess & Margaret & Heidi & Tom & other wonderful folk, then have all the car disasters on the way home.
23 -- I realize my intersexed identity is more than a daydream and bring it into my life in a profound way.
26 -- more Changeling
29 -- Jon moves out, I spend zir goodbye party talking lots to Locke


10 -- amazing, new, enlightening sex with Kyle
12 -- Crafty Party -- I meet Abby for the first time
13 -- make wings w Caitlyn & co -- first time preparing art for a burn
13 -- talking & painting w Locke (from Jan to June, lots of connecting with Locke)
14 -- I feel horribly sad and thing & Heather reach out to me
15 -- Kyle and I go to coffee w Abby
17-19 -- Euphoria burn w Kyle & Abby, followed by Abby sharing art journals and the three of us talking lots
24 -- Pocket the Moon CD debut w Kyle, Abby, Ellie
29-3rd -- lots of hanging out and talking with Sarahitch


-- I fall hard for Abby and gushhh about zir
-- Kyle and I have lots of difficulties because Kyle is so stressed about school and not investing in us
4 -- Abby comes over to watch fireworks with us, then Abby, Kyle, Jon and I paint each other with glowpaint, then Abby and I have a long talk and officially begin dating.
6 -- Abby turns my hair rainbow! we watch Kiss Me Again and Foxfire and talk lots
11 -- Abby hosts a game night, Kyle and I stay over, things turn sexual and I get overwhelmed so we stop
-- lots of time with Abby & Kyle
16 -- first met Adi & John
-- I'm feeling like I am too sensitive sexually
20 -- Kyle's birthday: Tin Drum w Mike, Hannah, Abby, and a hookah from me
28 -- day w Kyle and Abby W, swimming in the river
-- Kyle stops dating Abby W
30 -- thing gives away its belongings and goes to work on trains
-- Kyle graduates with a math degree!


7 -- visit Liberty Church, talk to John Fichtner about homosexuality, write an open letter to zir
-- I realize I've been letting myself run completely out of fuel and determine to be more careful
9 -- Arizona and I start dating again
-- lots of time with Abby


-- Aurilion gets in contact again
1 -- talk w biosib S about poly & queerness & etc.
10 -- have a horrible breakdown because I haven't been maintaining myself but only focusing on others' needs
13 -- meet with Laura and Angie and Gaius about starting N/A*
19-20 -- Koronah comes to visit, brings Chris -- Kyle and I participate in ritual with them, on the following day we do bodypainting
22 -- Kyle & Adi start dating, but are keeping it non-sexual at first
29-2nd -- Alchemy burn: mixture of fun shared exploration w Abby & Seth & Kyle, Kyle detatching, huge fights, freezing cold. Meet and talk with Eanox for the first time.
-- After Alchemy, Kyle and I finally shake off the horrible stress of zir last semester of school and are fully reconnected


-- start regular visits to BTFP with Kyle (and occasionally Abby)
-- Abby and Eanox start dating
-- Hannah gets back in contact for real, shares how ze almost died, begins recovery. We start talking again.
17 -- date with Eanox -- loooong conversations, ze asks to kiss me at the end
20 -- roadtrip w Bishop & Kyle to meet Hedwig (my "new" car)
21 -- M comes to GA to help me buy Hedwig
-- lots of bonding between Kyle, Abby, Eanox, Seth, and me; we decide to build tribe and have twice-monthly gathers to form stronger bonds (later we include Trevor and Arizona as well).
-- several days of bonding w Eanox
29 -- Abby and I have a huge fight over miscommunications and me including Arizona without discussing it fully
30 -- messaging with Eanox about zir not wanting a romantic relationship with Kyle or me


4 -- horrible accidental trip, keep flashing between reality, dreamworld, and watching a movie.
-- Bedlam makes an exploitative party and I object, the Atlanta Radical Faeries also object, the queer activists get involved, and we get it shut down! then I write about how narcissism keeps people racist
11-13 -- go to Transcending Boundaries w Kyle!
14-15 -- Kyle and I spend time with Kay in MA
-- more time w Eanox and Seth
17 -- lots changes between Seth, Eanox, Abby, Kyle, and I, and we discuss what tribe night means and if we really want to be investing in each other in that way. After long discussions we figure out what it means and decide to keep it, for the time being. It continues until the end of January, when it is replaced by intimacy practices.
-- I parse and write about how Hannah taught me to keep compassion in my anger


-- start spending more time with Trevor and Arizona
-- thing comes back, starts spending more time with us
7 -- deep sharing talks w Eanox
10 -- first makeout party! at Abby W's.
14 -- HUGE fight w Kyle, I scream at zir, we talk through the door, we talk about zir not trusting my motives (ze felt safer when I was screaming; when I was being careful ze got more and more upset with me for using a calm tone)
17 -- Kyle decides to be sexual with Adi without discussing it with me first, I get very hurt
18-21 -- very intensely emotional road trip with Abby & Eanox; Abby is hurting because of painful anniversaries, I'm hurting because I'm out of ability to cope after all the stuff that had been happening and have a terrible experience with M.
22 -- Solstice Party, sweetly connected time with Kyle, Arizona, Trev, Nick, Hannahcohn, Adi, John, Joe, and Cheryl
-- Eanox is bothered by my behavior on the road trip, waits before ze talks about it with me, I feel very upset about that
25-31 -- Kyle visits zir parents :-( I miss zir terribly.
28 -- I write about excitement and nourishment in romantic relationships -- NRE (new relationship energy) versus IFE (intimate focus energy)
30 -- Eanox and I finally talk about the road trip and work it all out.
31 -- Abby hosts a NYE gather: Kyle, Eanox, Seth, Adi, John, and I attend.
Tags: ace, arizona, art -- photography, atlanta, big trees forest preserve, biofamily, birthday, connections, crushes, dancing, deities, destined happenings, disconnection, drumming, friendship, gender, growth, hair, hannah, intuition, kanika, kay, kylei, life story, lj friends, localtribe, locke, love, music, names, openness, paganism, polyamory / relationship anarchy, queerness, recovery / therapy / healing, relationships, risk-taking, ritual, sensuality, sex, spirit connections, spirituality, the essential belenen collection, those passing through, touch, turning points

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