Speaking of reality shifts, twice now I've accidentally tripped on stuff that does not cause reality shifts for other people. The experience I had was of a perception shift -- things were happening in dream reality, then as if I were watching a movie completely non-interactive, then as "real" reality, flipping rapidly like tree shadows as you drive by. I was existing in the space between all three, in the cracks of the universe. I could also feel all of my body but it felt alien and so I felt like my brain was lying to me about what was really happening; I felt actively disassociated. The first time was absolutely horrible because I didn't know if I would ever "get back" and I felt like no one could come with me and it was horribly lonely. The second time (I somehow thought the first time was a fluke -- nope!) I had a guide and there were people with me who were very connected with me and I could still feel their presence; it was still scary but I was much more equipped to handle the fear. The fear was about what is real; in dream reality it is okay to do things that in waking reality will hurt people and beings. I feared that I would cause harm to myself or others and I feared that my brain was making up a cover story to hide some horrible experience that "real" me was having. The first time, I happened to sit on a chocolate that then melted onto my leg and I was convinced that everyone was lying to me to make me feel okay about having shat myself. (that fear lasted days and three washes of my robe, which still smelled like chocolate afterward and finally convinced me that it was chocolate -- though I STILL have some doubt)
Those experiences have changed me in a profound way. My concept of reality was never very objective, and now is even more fluid. I have the ability to "shift out" and feel as if I am dreaming, which I think will serve me very well once I learn to use it to handle situations that cause me fear. I feel like I can use this to do serious work with fears I have. Because I think lots of the things I do in dreams I should be able to do in real life, like telling off sexists and racists. And I need to remember that it is okay to get in giant messes and I don't need to be living in constant avoidance of fucking up. I think my fear of physical harm is more than is rational; if my leg breaks I will probably be okay eventually, and if someone assaults me, I will probably live and recover. I cannot live as if one bruise will kill me. I need to take more risks if I want more miracles.
