Belenen (belenen) wrote,

dailypost 1 -- Aurilion, phonetalking, coffee w Sarah, short visit w Abby, creativestreak w earrings

I'm gonna try to do some daily-events posts for at least 13 days; I'll probably put them all under lj-cuts to prevent me worrying that they're not interesting enough.

I talked with Aurilion today for the first time in months. We had a pretty deep conversation about the intensity of our connection, and how it affects zir. I've been missing zir terribly and wanting to spend time together in person, and Aurilion has wanted that too but it's been years since we spent time together and it's a daunting event. I think the last time we saw each other was December 2008 (realizing that made my heart crack)... I remember how amazing it was and how exhausting. It's the good kind of exhausting, like after you've worked out really hard, but it's still not easy. And I think that we were both much more in practice with that kind of in-tune-ment back then. I feel like I've gained a lot of skill with it since then but I haven't been practicing lately; I definitely want to bring that back in (it's so much more difficult when my lovers have little extra energy). We talked about a four day trip and that was too much so we agreed on a 1-day trip (thanks to megabus that's possible and not too expensive as long as it's bought in advance), probably late October. This feels like a relief to me, because I was starting to worry that we would never see each other again. And I miss Aurilion and I miss our connection and I feel like there is a part of me that is wilting because of it. Now I feel like there's hope, and even if this trip gets pushed back or cancelled I can be okay. Aurilion and I have a talkdate next week and I feel happy about it. I really wish ze had the equipment for skyping, but maybe we can figure that out in the future.

I also feel better about talking on the phone (if it's a date set in advance) which is a surprise and a good thing. I think that it's because I have started to funnel more energy into distance communication, and because my dread has lessened. I think the things that make me dread talking on the phone are 1) not being able to end the call when I feel done (which hasn't been a problem with anyone lately) and 2) talking about a chronically bad situation. In person I can talk about chronically bad things all day long and be okay -- on the phone I feel completely useless and hopeless (I'm okay with talking about urgently bad things -- it's just the chronic stuff I can't take over the phone). Which is why with my little sister, I miss zir and really want zir to visit me, partly to get zir at least temporarily out of that toxic environment and partly because if we're going to talk about it I want it to be where I can at least give hugs and make eye contact.

I have commissioned a coat from Angie :D :D :D We talked particulars today, it's gonna be awesome and I will wear it forever :D

Yesterday I had coffee with a person I hadn't met before, and we had super amazing conversation. I really hope to add Sarah (anytree) to my local tribe. They feel (energy and personality) kin to me, and I felt nourished by the time we spent together. And unlike other ITP-ers, Sarah's not afraid of the big bad OTP (for non-Atlanteans, Atlanta is circled by a highway called the perimeter. People who live inside the perimeter (ITP) tend to avoid going out (OTP), for reasons I'm unsure of. I think it's a mix of snobbery and misconception of all OTP as bigottown. Parts are, for sure, but it's a lot more about the richness of the area rather than the geography, at least in my experience.)

I also went to visit Abby yesterday, for just an hour. We cuddled and talked and it was time very well-spent. Now that I have a reliable car that doesn't burn oil and does have music (!!!!!!) I can spend 40 minutes of driving for 60 minutes of time and have that be non-stressful. I don't think I'll do it loads because it is impractical but it's really lovely to have the option.

I've been making loads of earrings lately, which makes me sooo happy. I hope I can keep up this streak and build up a good selection for selling, so that I can have a display in a local shop or two. I really wish I could live off of jewelry-making.
Tags: abby, aurilion, days and moments, jewelry, phone

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