Belenen (belenen) wrote,
Belenen
belenen

finally catching up to the pace of my life

From February until April 2009, my life was VERY slow-paced. I had little pockets of fast-paced life, but most of the time I had nothing on my calendar, or only one thing (steady uncomplicated work and/or regular counseling sessions). Since then my life has gradually sped up and up and up, and right now I usually have at least one significant obligation every day, and I put everything on my calendar because if I don't, I will forget it. On my busiest days there is no break between 8am and 6:30pm. After years of slow regular life with almost zero face-to-face socializing, this has been a difficult adjustment, and one of the things that fell out of my life was my writing, and another was my long-distance relationships (there were other reasons as well, for that one). Writing requires space for me, it requires some down time where I am free of obligation, free of deadlines, and have energy left from the day. Long-distance relationships require me to be able to schedule time and not be so drained from busyness that I need that time to rest instead.

I feel like I have FINALLY caught up, within this past month. I finally am at the point where I can write, and I can invest in long-distance, and I can EDIT PHOTOS (Godde I missed that), and MAKE ICONS (look at my new one!), and I can add things to my schedule without them stressing me the fuck out. It's not easy yet, but it has become manageable. This is a Big Damn Deal. I've finally gotten to the point where I feel like I'm functional, instead of constantly on the edge of fucking everything up. It's even easier to talk on the phone or email or respond to comments. Those things are innately hard because of social anxiety AND when I need to cut something out to make space for rest time, those are easy to cut; so they are the first symptoms of overload.

I hope to spend more time writing and communicating in general. I miss my busy LJ days. I love y'all so much. *blows kisses*
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